Daily Archives: February 13, 2012

Maine has spoken! Across the lobster-ravaged wastes of frozen Maine, residents donned their colorful voting costumes and emerged from their moose-fur yurts to vote in the Republican caucus. Unlikeable Massachusetts protocol droid Willard “10K” Romney eked out a narrow win over accursed 3000-year-old gold-wraith Ron Paul for the fickle loyalty of the crustacean-worshipping Maineacs. Hobo-busker “Shoeless Dick” Santorum, fresh off his triple victories in Missouri, Minnesota, and Colorado, came in third. Grumpy and irrelevant space-beast Newton Leroy Gingrich came in fourth. Continue reading →