http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kY84MRnxVzo
Sir Mix-a-Lot says you’re awesome just the way you are.
Hello, Fatso!
The holidays are over. O-V-E-R. So what are you doing, lazing about the floor, watching that marathon of Hoarding? You know what you’re hoarding? Fat. fatfatfatfat. You are a worthless jerk who will make less money all your life and never find love because you shop at Lane Bryant or at the Big and Tall store.
The commercials are all here to tell you that.
Being fat is like being trapped in a giant fisherman’s net. You cannot be free to swim. Mariah doesn’t want be a butterfly. She wants to be a happy little carp, zipping about the bay.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WArl69MLkxY
Jennifer Hudson is here to remind you no matter how much talent you have, no matter what you accomplished coming out of nowhere, no matter how much courage you had taking that stage when no one knew your name, no matter all of that shit — listen, life is much better when you’re thin.
I much prefer the old Weight Watchers commercials where Lynn Redgrave sings and dances about frozen food.
Janet Jackson actually seems…sane.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=12JmCJbQa38
Let us not forget that we will be bombarded with gym membership commercials and fitness infomercials.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xXHUdvvHTkw
Chuck Norris, have you no fucking self-respect?
This video pretty much sums it up:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GM7Ca1efnoM
I’ve been putting myself on diets since I was ten. My worst was the self-devised Dexatrim diet that I followed in high school — eat nothing all day, take Dexatrim, and then have dinner with the family. This resulted in spectacular headaches. I do not recommend it.
I give up. I’m never going to be a thin woman. But I can be healthy. There will be no New Year’s resolutions for me. I’m going to eat as well as possible, will still enjoy my cocktails and occasional treats and lattes. I’m going to continue to do exercise I enjoy, like biking and boxing. And if anyone doesn’t like it, they’re going to get my awesome cross-jab combination.
