George Clooney and Brad Pitt never had this problem. Bradley Cooper needs a hug, guys. Soderbergh gets the short end of the Tatumpole. Sharon Stone signs on for porn, kinda. Peter Dinklage talks fantasies — and for television — time stands still.
This week’s Hollywood dish is up in arms!
Ryan Gosling Isn’t Loved By People: Well, what would you do if your make-believe boyfriend wasn’t chosen as the Sexiest Man Alive? Would you sit and pout and maybe throw darts at the other guy who is the Sexiest Man Alive? Not good enough? Maybe you’d start a Facebook campaign that basically says, “Hey, Bradley Cooper is a milquetoast, ferret-faced, average brodude from Jenkintown, Pennsylvania! Ryan Gosling puts the real Buzz Lightyear in my thrill box!” Still not good enough? Okay. Maybe what really needs to happen here is some sort of protest, a movement even. Some kind of demonstration that tells the people at People that 99% percent of make-believe Ryan Gosling concubines won’t settle for any old boring Bradley Cooper thrown in their face like so much complimentary coleslaw served up next to a deluxe burger like Ryan Gosling. To the streets GOS-FANS! Fifteen lovers of Gosling showed up outside the People magazine New York headquarters yesterday to protest the perceived sexy of Bradley Cooper. They wore Ryan Guy Fawkes Gosling masks and everything. I agree. Ryan Gosling should be the new face of anarchy, and possibly the face of the longest pregnant pauses ever in a movie. Watch Drive. His synapses stop firing every ten minutes or so. Whatever! Sexy things! I will say that Gosling needs to hire these protesters a better script writer, because…“One, two, three, four, Bradley Cooper’s such a bore. Five, six, seven, eight, Ryan Gosling is super great.” And also, “Bradley Cooper is just fine, but Ryan Gosling is divine” makes me want to rip my eyeballs out a little bit. [THR]
Saying Uncle to The Man From U.N.C.L.E: Steven Soderbergh, Academy Award-winning filmmaker and the Tim Burton to conjoined twins, Julia Roberts and George Clooney’s Johnny Depp, has been on board to direct The Man From U.N.C.L.E. since early 2010. However, he’s dropped out of the project due to casting and budget woes. Clooney was first slated to star in the thriller, but pulled out due to a bad back. Warner Bros. was thrilled since they really saw the part with someone younger. In walked Michael Fassbender, X-Men, and Joel Kinnaman, co-star of AMC’s The Killing. This is good, right? These guys are capable of some good, meaty stuff. Well, didn’t happen. The studio said no, and both are now shuffled off to other projects. So, who’s left? They considered Ryan Gosling (Well, duh, he’s a super, duper sexpot with an entire legion or a whole bakers dozen of Twilight fans camping out in the name of his beauty. No, wait. He’s got like a handful of people screaming boring things about him to a magazine. Drat!), and Matt Damon, magazine beating unicorn, and even Bradley Cooper, Gosling nemesis and French-Speaking suburban Toyota driver! Apparently none of them would do. So in walked Channing Tatum. Uh-huh, that’s right. Thespian, ex-stripper, walking meat rhinoceros dripped in orgasm applesauce and folded into an abdominal scuba suit. Yep, this is who the studio wanted. Soderbergh tendered his resignation from the film. [Indiewire]
Sharon Stone Still Has that White Dress: So that whole Linda Lovelace movie is still happening. We assume since Lindsay Lohan can’t keep herself out of the court system and the Guinness Book of International Trainwrecks, no one was ever going to let her near the part. Which is probably a good development. The last thing you want is for someone with various addictions — and an uncanny habit of shooting themselves in the foot at every opportunity — to start taking on roles as porn stars. That trajectory just seems a bit too scary to contemplate. But we’re guessing it’s just fine for cupie doll-eyed actresses like Amanda Seyfried to step into the part since Kate Hudson had to drop out due to some sort of baby taking residence in her body. This may prove to be a great thing for Seyfried who seems just short of taking on a real role that will catapult her out of the land Scarlett Johansson has found herself in, and possibly into the realm Michelle Williams has miraculously secured. Someone who understands just that is Sharon Stone who’ll be stepping in as Lovelace’s mother in the film. Amanda, you want to learn how to be the perfect vamp, well, there’s probably no better teacher than Stone. Just no ice picks. [Deadline]
Peter Dinklage Gets a Tattoo: Our favorite Lannister of all the damnable Lannisters has just gotten a new gig. Peter Dinklage, in a new interview with HBO, discusses his overall dislike of how the fantasy genre portrays people his size. He says about them:
“I try not to read too much into it, but there’s a bit of a bias, where you’re thought of as a mystical creature, which is a bit absurd.
“I have a great sense of humor – and a dark sense of humor – about everything, but it is a bit narrow-minded sometimes, where if they have a dwarf character, the shoes have to curl up at the end, he has this inherent wisdom, he isn’t sexual, all of that.
He rails against the notion of Snow White and the one-dimensional characters that are drawn for dwarves. He scoffs at the terms Sleepy, and Sneezy. Somehow I never really thought of Dinklage as one of the seven dwarves. Personally, he’s really just too big an actor for the role. Pete Dink is no Disney character. But what he will do is play Hervé Villechaize, Tattoo from Fantasy Island, in an onscreen biopic of the French-born Filipino actor who lived a complicated life that ended in suicide. [HBO Watch]
TV News:
Surviving Survivor: Good grief. CBS has renewed Survivor for seasons 25 and 26! Just what? Where the hell is this going to take place now, an active volcano? Yes, that should be it exactly. I’d like all the challenges to be about escaping spewing magma. Perhaps they can build a boat out of volcanic rock while using Jeff Probst’s surreal teeth whitening as an illumination force for the escape. Sheesh. The hell is wrong with CBS? [Deadline]
Mustering the Strength for The Munsters: The 1980’s aren’t good enough. Let’s go back even further, guys. NBC, who’s always a year late and stuck in some alternate universe, has decided that they’d like to reboot The Munsters, because supernatural creatures are popular haven’t you heard? Zombies, Vampires, Werewolves…NBC is so upset they didn’t get in on this wave in 2008. Damn it all to hell! What were they thinking? Heroes? The Cape? Anyway, now they want to make up for it. Geniuses. Everybody will watch this. Yup, because it’s a slapstick comedy about monsters called the Munsters in 2012. Fun? No. [Deadline]
Ricki Lake to Ricki Lake Again: Uh, apparently I’ve been in a coma. I’m awake but obviously if there’s a love doctor on my television telling a Ricki Lake audience that “It’s really about loving you for you and not letting anyone take your power” it’s 1994, right? Is Melrose Place still on?! What about Lois & Clark starring Terri Hatcher and Dean Caine? Oh, president Clinton, you and that saxophone. Sexy! Mentos really are the freshmaker! What? Oh, someone decided to give Ricki Lake a talk show again next September? Okay. IS IT OPRAH?! Wait, nothing has happened to Oprah, right?! Her talk show is still on ABC, yes?! Phew. [THR]
