Welcome back to Officer Rick and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day. Last week we were treated to a close-up of zombie footwear and a lesson in what happens to Bambi later in life. Hint: Kerblammo! Oh, and there’s still one kid missing (Sophia), and one kid with a bullet in his gut (Karl).
Officer Rick is running through a field with his belly-wounded son, Karl. Shane and the guy who shot Karl are lagging behind. Rick comes upon a big white house in the middle of a farm, which I assume is called a “farmhouse.” A woman is watching them approach through binoculars and calls for her father. We learn that Otis is the name of the man who shot Karl, and that the father appears to be a doctor of some sort, or is at least not squicked out at the sight of blood. Also, one of the daughters is named Maggie. There appears to be a few more people in the house, but they’re not important so they don’t get names.
Karl is bleeding all over Officer Rick and looks paler than usual. Doc explains that the bullet broke into pieces and he has to get the bullet fragments out in order to save Karl’s life. At this point, Rick is freaking the heck out.
Out in the woods, The Worst Search Party In The World heard the gunshot, but the only person who is perturbed by it is Lori. The rest seem nonchalant, and I get the impression that if this crew is Sophia’s only hope, she’s a goner.
Back at the highway, Old Guy and Black Guy are getting a tad worried about the rest of the group. The gash on Black Guy’s arm is pretty bad, and Old Guy tells him his veins look infected and he’s going to die if he doesn’t get antibiotics. Their plan is to continue ransacking the cars on the highway looking for medicine. Black Guy finds cigarettes, which are not at all antibiotics.
At the farmhouse, Rick is beating himself up for letting Karl come along instead of staying with the highway crew. Karl is awake and in a shitload of pain while Doc digs around in the bullet hole. It is decided that Karl needs a blood transfusion, so they are borrowing some blood from Rick. Thankfully Karl passes out, which is what I would have done at least four episodes ago. I have to tell you, Karl doesn’t look good. He’s paler than a redhead in the winter, and Doc won’t let Rick leave the house because Karl might need another transfusion. Rick insists on leaving to find his wife, but Shane tells him to sack up and be there for Karl.
I’m just going to bust in here for a second and say Where are the damned zombies? We’re twenty-three minutes into this episode and not a single walker. What the heck? If we don’t have zombies by the next commercial, I’m going to just start making crap up.
Doc claims that Karl is out of danger for the moment, but he will need to dig deeper into his belly to get the rest of the bullet fragments out. Oh, and there’s internal bleeding. Basically, he needs to open him up. Which means he needs medical equipment. Otis tells us that nearest hospital went up in flames about a month ago, but then a local school was set up as a FEMA shelter. But…FEMA School was overrun by zombies. Yaaaay! Zombies! Otis and Shane are going to go to FEMA School to retrieve the medical supplies. Otis conveniently knows exactly what they are looking for because he once volunteered as an EMT, so they drive off in a very blue pickup truck, headed for Zombieville. And…commercial break. Even though we have not yet seen a single walker, we have the promise of zombies, so I’ll let it go. For now. But I would really like some zombies soon.
Over at the Endless Search For Some Kid We Don’t Even Like, the group is heading back and promises Poor Man’s Jamie Lee Curtis that they will pick up the trail again tomorrow. Yeah. Good luck with that.
Back at the highway, the car search yielded a guitar, some batteries, and a machete, but no drugs. Add that to the Ibuprofen and cigarettes Black Guy found and Black Guy is in deep poo poo. He wants to know what the heck they’re doing sitting around while everyone’s out looking for the kid, and suggests it’s because Old Guy is old, and Black Guy is black. Black Guy is (finally) questioning the motives of the rest of the pack. A little late, but welcome to the party, Black Guy. Those people calling the shots? They don’t know what the heck they’re doing. Old Guy listens to this rant and is possibly the worst actor on television. Black Guy wants to just take off with Old Guy and leave everyone else behind, so Old Guy touches his forehead and realizes that Black Guy’s got The Fever. He gives him Ibuprofen and makes crazy eyes at the camera.
Meanwhile, The Worst Search Party In The World led by Racist Redneck stumbles into our first walker of the episode! And he’s got Blondie! Go zombie go! But just in the nick of time, Maggie rides in on a magical horse and beats the zombie over the head with a baseball bat. Come on, Maggie! We’ve been trying to unload Blondie for the past five episodes! Maggie tells everyone to backtrack two miles down the highway where they will find the farm, and takes Lori directly to the house on her flying unicorn.
Rick and Doc have a peaceful moment on the porch. Doc tells him that the epidemic took his wife and stepson, but that he hopes to ride out the plague peacefully with the rest of the survivors until there’s a cure. Rick tells him that the CDC doesn’t exist anymore so there is no cure. Doc doesn’t believe him and likens zombiism to AIDS. Audiences everywhere roll their eyes and shout, “This is not that! Gawd, could the dialogue be any more heavy handed?”
Lori arrives at the farmhouse and breaks down when she sees Karl, The Palest Child In The World. He’s been on the road for how long and not a hint of sunburn? Weird. Okay we’re now forty-five minutes in and ONLY ONE MEASLY ZOMBIE!!! I’m NOT happy about this, people. NOT happy.
Rick gives Karl more blood and now looks as pale as the kid. Somehow they have orange juice to offer him. I guess they grow oranges in Georgia? That kind of makes sense, except I didn’t see a single crop of anything anywhere. Lori grills Doc about his credentials and finds out he’s a veterinarian. Ha! No, not funny. Karl’s a goner.
Back at the highway, The Worst Search Party In The World reunites with Old Guy and Black Guy. They try to collectively sort out what to do. Poor Man’s Jamie Lee Curtis is worried that if they go to the farmhouse, Sophie will never find them. Redneck Racist decides that Old Man, Blondie and himself will stay behind to build a big sign for Sophia, and tomorrow morning they’ll drive on out to the farm to join the rest of the group. Meanwhile, he brings out a stash of meds from his motorcycle for Black Guy. For a Redneck Racist, he’s really kind of a good guy. If this keeps up, we may have to give him a new name, like Reformed Redneck Racist.
Otis and Shane make it to the FEMA school and whooooeeee! It’s a zombiefest! There are walkers everywhere! Shane and Otis are clever. They toss flares into the middle of the parking lot to attract the hoard of zombies to the light. Then, they run really fast to a trailer that is clearly and unmistakably labeled “Emergency Medical Services.”
Once in the trailer, Shane and Otis load up on a ton of stuff that makes a lot of clanking noise, which is not ideal for stealthy sneaking around. When they open up the trailer, the flares have fizzled out and there is a pack of zombies waiting for a midnight snack. They run, but about a hundred snarling zombies are right behind. They duck, they weave, but at each turn, zombies are waiting for them. Shane shoots his way inside of the school and conveniently locks it down with a gate. For the moment, they are safe inside of a small vestibule, but countless zombie hands are reaching for them through the gate, all grunting and teeth gnashing and flesh rotting and very, very hungry. And, the tiny pin that’s holding the gate closed is about to snap.
And that’s it. No one’s safe, but no one’s a zombie buffet. Yet. Next week, we see the comedy duo of Shane and Otis running through the FEMA school and shooting zombies from a ledge. Also, The Worst Search Party In The World is wandering around the woods at night. I wouldn’t be surprised if Sophia isn’t really lost but is instead trying to escape from these bumbling fools.
Well? What do we think? Needs more zombies, right?
