I have been putting off meeting with two girls from grad school for the longest time.
One worked in the grad office with me throughout our time in school. We were ok friends; hung out outside of school and campus events sometimes, but she moved away for a while and we kind of lost touch. The other I had one or two classes with and I don’t think I ever hung out with outside of school or school functions. She was more of a colleague than a friend. I’ve bumped into both these girls around campus a few times since this semester has started, making a promise to have some drinks and catch up. We were supposed to get together on Wednesday, but they changed the location from my usual Wednesday hangout spot to one of their apartments. The change in location really put me off for some reason. Then I got to thinking: do I even want to hang out with these girls? Maybe it’s time to cut them loose. Their season is over.I usually find that friends fall into one of three categories: a reason, a season or a lifetime.
The “reason” friends are usually coworkers, school mates or something of the like. Sometimes the reason is a bit harder to define than that. The relationship might not necessarily be a friendship. It could be a teacher or a boss who helped you figure out what you wanted (or didn’t want) to do with your life. It could be the first person you loved. Or someone who taught you how to do something. It’s not that you would be lost without them, but they improved your life that much more.
The “season” friends pop into your life for a certain amount of time and poof, before you can even think about it, they are gone. My last female roommate and I met in grad school. She had moved to Chicago from New York and I thought she was so cool. We became fast friends. It helped that we both lived way north on the red line and were usually train buddies after class. We worked in the grad office together. We became roommates shortly before our 2nd year of our grad program. The friendship worked. Until it didn’t. We lived out our lease and went our separate ways. We are not even Facebook friends anymore. All that is fine. Her season in my life is over.
The “lifetime” friends are the best. They are the ones that are there for you no matter what. You can lose touch for periods of time and pick up where you left off as if you hadn’t missed a day in each other lives. I made most of these friends in high school and a couple in college. To me, these are the best kinds of friends because they are the ones that know you the best and won’t judge you for anything.
Of course, not all the friends you have or people you meet will fit neatly into any one of these categories. And it doesn’t make it any easier to let go of a friendship that isn’t one that will last a lifetime, but it might help to understand why the relationship didn’t last.
Image: Flickr.
