Online dating is, by nature, skeevy as all get out. And every girl I’ve met on the interwebz has mentioned the overwhelming number of creepy, dumb or otherwise uncomfortable messages. But! As a not-dumb guy who has to read these, I’ve got some ideas. I’m sure none of the CrassTalk ladies need any help… if not, just consider this my lament about the poor profiles I’ve had to read:
1) A profile that discriminates is a great one. Think of luxury brand ads. A company like Porsche is not advertising to the family at or near the poverty line, because it’s a waste of time. I see a lot of secretly smart profiles where women try to appeal to all (semi)normal guys, which is a waste. Think about Crasstalk. You’re here because you can fly your freak flags (yes, even you) and find similar people. Your dating profile might benefit from similar things, to let you pre-sift candidates who might not appreciate you giggling at the Soon/Now pics.
There are millions of people on the main sites (OKCupid, Match, Chemistry, PlentyofFish, etc.). So, while you can’t always limit creepers with dumb comments, you can set your audience by what you write. And that can save a lot of time.
An example of one from a fellow CT’er that I’ve always loved focuses on wanting to learn. As in, “teach me something and I’ll always be interested.” (Paraphrasing to protect the innocent.) Others have focused on esoterica like roads and maps and all sorts of little things. If you asked me to remember profiles, those are the things that stick out both because they’re different and they ask for a specific type of partner.
2) Leave your personality the opportunity to sparkle through. Seriously! I can’t tell you how many people on the open threads and in articles make me grin and amaze me with their insight, from both sexes.
Unfortunately, a majority of profiles touch the following bases:
“I never thought I’d be on an online dating site.” – Sweet story, bro! But you’re here, and this isn’t telling me much about who you are. It’s like going to Disneyland and saying, “Well, you know Mickey? Yeah. I liked his earlier stuff.” To a 2-year old.
“I like to stay in, but I also like to go out”- introvert. OR! “I love to go out with my friends and go dancing, but I also love a movie night to recharge.” – These do not actually describe real people. In fact, you could sum up either one with, “I’m more of an [extrovert/introvert].” Tell a story that actually interests me.
“People generally notice my smile.” Um. No. Just think of a camera in a coffee shop or in a club. Do you realize how small a portion of your body your smile is? Even if you just meet someone? The honest profiles that make me laugh are the ones that go boobs or ass. Other strong contenders include those who are self-deprecating about their laughs, or clumsiness.
3) OKCupid specific – Answering questions without self-awareness can be a bit of a bad thing. As in, you know that when you answer those silly questions about what “wherefore” in “wherefore art thou Romeo” means, the whole world can see it? Yes? Well, those explanations are great places to use your wit. They are not great places to prove the adage “better to be thought dumb…”
4) Follow the rule of threes and vary sentence lengths. I know many people on here who are great writers, obviously better than me in this article. But, if you’re ever trying to write something off, and make it a little funny, keep the crazy part to the third sentence. It’s comedy science. Also, I’ve read fun profiles from people who don’t always use big words. Also some great ones from peeps who go from 1-word bursts to 20-word poetic scenes. They’re a lot of fun.
There are a ton of weirdos in the online dating world. The problem with writing with them in mind (and being either close-lipped or boring) is that you run the risk of excluding the people who would interest you. As a guy who has done this, and gotten responses without being very attractive, I can only say that standing out for who you are, and showing why you’re unique, pays big dividends.
P.S. Photos. Oh photos. The obvious contenders for most annoying: myspace angles, any two photos that show that you can only smile one way, and photos of you in foreign locales looking like you plastered an expression on your face. Friends and foreign places are great to have on your resume, don’t get me wrong. But many photos look half-assed or you look like you’re halfway to grimacing.
What stands out? Any candid shots where you actually have a real facial expression. Any pictures of you with animals (oddly, usually this is a recommendation for guys). Any full-body shots are at least a help. That’s not to be crass; people tend to have a differing opinion of what body types are what. And I’d rather see you confidently shaking your donk than have to guess what “average” versus “curvy” means for you.
Image: [F]oxymoron/Flickr
