They come in all shapes and sizes and their aim is to make you late or at least highly agitated. They are the slow drivers, cyclists saving the environment, slow walkers, check writers, and perennial day trippers of the world and ALL of them are making their way through life as slowly as possible.
Slow Walkers
Slow walkers loiter on the sidewalk, looking at who knows what. They also tend to walk abreast with two or more people with a similar problem who saunter along, rambling about with what appears to be no final destination. Trying to get around this group is futile as they will simply move into your path.
Slow walkers also populate the aisles of the world’s grocery stores and outdoor markets. Sure, it makes a little more sense in this setting but my goodness, make a list and keep to the proper side of the aisle! Dealing with these people is a little easier when one of parties in the stand-off has a shopping cart. If they ignore your plight to get by, then simply nudge their basket or throw some of their groceries on the floor. That will get them right out of your way!
Cyclists
Alone or in a group, cyclists annoy drivers everywhere. They never stay in their bike lane and ride on the normal road with reckless abandon. When on the road, the cyclist is supposed to follow most of the rules that to which drivers are held accountable. Most of them don’t. They run stop signs, weave in and around traffic, and singlehandedly cause one lane of traffic to come to a crawl. Yet, when you confront the cyclists they will state that they have as much right to the road as you do and are also saving the environment! It is kind of hard to argue with them as both are pretty much true. The only way to really deal with an annoying cyclist is to honk repeatedly at them and maybe they will take the hint and ride the bus next time.
Check Writers
These people are so scared about getting their identity stolen that they refuse to use a debit or credit card. They also spend time each month balancing their checkbook. Little do they know, that using the same card over and over again is a pretty good way to keep track of your expenses and could save them a lot of time. For now, they will populate check-out lanes everywhere. You might think you’ve found a short line only to realize that the person in front of you is writing a check. Pretty soon, everyone else in the store has checked out while you are still waiting for your friend to finish signing their name. The best thing you can do around these people (even if they are old) is to make passive-aggressive comments about how annoyed you are by their check writing.
On equal par with the check writer is the change counter, the person that acts like they’ve never used a credit card machine, and the coupon user.
Slow Drivers
Traffic is caused by all kinds of things but sometimes traffic is unexplainable.
When you just don’t know why the highway is backed up and there isn’t a wreck at the end of the road then something is wrong. That something is usually the slow driver. They are oblivious to the pain that they inflict on the masses. Like their cousins, the slow walkers, the rule the road aimlessly without regard to the time of day. They also, don’t usually know where they are going and sometimes form a rolling road block with other slow drivers.
The worst time to encounter a slow driver is on a two-lane highway. They usually have a line of twenty cars behind them because passing them by driving in the lane of oncoming traffic is a scary affair. If you do manage to pass them, they are usually texting or talking on their cell phones. These people are by far the worst people on earth and the most annoying of all of the time suckers.
There is almost nothing you can do to confront a time sucker that isn’t dangerous to your health. I mean, you could tap their bumper with yours but then you could crash. You could flick them off but then they think you are the asshole. However, the most fun, dangerous thing you could do is get in front of them and then slow down to a crawl and not allow them to get in front of you by changing lanes and what not.
All of these slow people are awful. If you are one of them you should get some sort of professional help or a personal assistant that will live your life for you.
