Just in case you couldn’t get enough of the 1970’s in last week’s episode, here we go again with a flash back to the Me Decade. You know it’s a spoilerama up behind the cut, so c’mon in and be spoiled.
We join our designers slouched around their luxury suites at the Atlas. Smeagol worries that from this point forward, people are going to get nasty, and says the tiger claws will come out… and then rakes his goblin talons at the camera and meows like a house cat. Mixed metaphor there, little buddy. Enough of this, let’s trundle our grundles off to Parsons.
Heidi, as always, wears a dress that’s a little short and a little tight and a little see-through. What the sewtestants don’t know is, her outfit is actually a Project Dharma jumpsuit deconstructed and re-formed into a dress.
Product placement. Remember when that was fun? You know, the L’Oreal Garnier Tresemme Ooh La La HP TouchSmart Desktop Marie Claire Diet Coke Rolling Stone challenges? The challenges in every week prior to this one? Well hey, we’re on a roll here, so this week the Piperlime Thoughtful Fashion Accessory Wall gets her turn in the spotlight. And so Miss Piperlime, elected by secret ballot in a warehouse in the garment district, appears in the workroom to inform our designers what they gone do this week.
The Miss Piperlime winner, Heather Archibald, shows up and tells the goils (and Racist Barbie) that they need to create something that looks like it’s from the seventies, hun-tee, and be quick about it. And be sophisticated, or there will be a mess. Big leg trousers, tie front blouses, earth tones, maxi dresses, yes maxi dresses for days and days!
Miss Bertina goes for a Gypsy Disco look (that was so big when she worked for Halston) and Gay Ryan Reynolds says the thing that Miss Manbadly cannot, absolutively cannot abide. “I didn’t live through that time so I don’t know anything about it.” Ohh, snap. OK, so that means you cannot use “Old Hollywood Glamour” or “Sixties Hippie Chic” or “Fifties Housewives” ever again, mmmkay? Because you didn’t live through those times either. Let’s see, lil chicken — you were born in what, 1986? So you get acid washed jeans, International Male catalog, everything grunge, and spandex and creepers for days and days. That’s all you know, right? Because you never learned a fig about fashion history. Okay, now we have that settled, go away, you ignorant slut.
Mood Mood Mood, land of confusion and racing clocks. Danielle Rousseau appears in a bright flash of light and dashes towards Enya. Danielle lets loose with a bird call, distracting Enya, and she steals Enya’s money envelope. Danielle, always stealing things. Money, babies, whatever. You’re a scamp. Enya has a quick Jamaican breakdown and Tim tells her to “make it work.” Oh, Tim, crueler words never spoken, hm? In the end, Colorblind Uniball has $11 left over from his fabric purchase and he gives it to Enya. Some of the other designers give her their coins, and she has a total of $11.50 to spend on fabric. Nice job, guys. Did anyone besides me hear Smeagol saying “Precioussssss…”? No? Just me? Also, nice job Tim on guilting all the other designers, saying how generous Enya was in the last challenge, giving away so much fabric.
Back at the workroom, tears and tears from Enya. So distraught! Everybody but Smeagol offers something from what they bought. No, not Smeagol, he’s all hunched over, Precioussss, Precioussss.
Cutting, cutting, soon we should be sewing, sewing. Errybody keeps asking Miss Bertina questions about the 70’s because she old. Miss Bertina is quite gracious about answering all them Q’s. Keep on keepin’ on, Miss Bert!
Speaking of tropes and time loops, Miss Bertina is working on a sparkly spangly thang, and Racist Barbie looks over at it with a quizzical, hang-dog expression. “I don’t understand it, the judges aren’t going to like it,” she says. And you know what that means. Just as in weeks past, when Racist Barbie utters these words, it means the jerdges are going to love, love, love what Miss Bertina serves.
If you stop the video at 21 minutes at 4 seconds, you will see Daniel Faraday appear for a brief moment, and then Tim comes in the workroom and tells the sewtestants that yes, they have to create another look. Tim looks unsure as to why he’s saying this. Did he not say this before? Maybe many times before? Maybe in another life, in another universe? A quick sketcharoo and we are off to the Mood!
The second time at Mood, oh dear. Gay Ryan Reynolds was looking at the flash when Daniel Faraday appeared, and the cones on his retinas were temporarily disabled. Using only his black and white vision, Gay Ryan Reynolds picks up a hideous acid print and exclaims how wunnaful it’s going to be. Oh, Gay Ryan Reynolds, you’re going to be surprised when you have your color vision back.
Tim walks through the work room and wow oh wow there’s some badness up in there. Colorblind Uniball and his pattern war. Lordy lord. Tim also tells Racist Barbie that Meana Garzilla hates her, which is very Mean Girls of him. Good move Tim!
A quick montage of fabric ripping and Gay Ryan Reynolds making a shexsay joke with Miss Bertina and we’re done for the day. Another flash, Penelope and Desmond walk through the workroom and laugh at all the clothes, and then we’re off to the runway. Enya and Kimberly! Where did your time go? Was it stolen by Ben as he turned the donkey wheel? Those goils are still sewing with literally seconds to go before errybody heads to the runway.
But, time takes a cigarette, puts it in your mouth, pulls on a finger, another finger, then your cigarette, and it’s off to the gladiator pit.
A training video originally shown in Room 23 was displayed as the hangers walked the runway, and then it’s time for the judgeration.
Errybody hated on Racist Barbie and her prison top and bland and boring second outfit. Michael Kors tells her the worst thing possible — it doesn’t look like fashion. Yow. Smeagol shows off his gray suit and high-waisted skrit with print top. Jerdges like the tailoring and the snakeskin t-shirt which he stole from the snake guarding the ring. Gay Ryan Reynolds — A Star Trek top with plaid pants that make the model’s butt look 3 yards long. Michael Kors literally screamed at those pants. Screamed I tell you! Heidi says Gay Ryan Reynolds made things that are “sore to the eyes” and the worst that she’s seen in a long, long time. Meana tells Gay Ryan Reynolds that the fabric is HO-ren-duss. Emphasis on the HO.
Enya tells her sad orphan tale of woe, and the judges are lapping it up like a dish of cream. Mmmmkay, love, love, loving on her. Colorblind Uniball says the 70’s are music and weed smoking. Well yes you did smoke somepin, honey. Crazy ugly patterns and a tent dress. We made up a new word for this: Fergly. Meana and Michael said Uniball made Sister Wives outfits. And then Miss Bertina! The Disco Gypsy look was gettin a lotta love up there, as was the simple gold and platinum dress.
In the end, there’s no fakery of who was second, who was first. Enya took top prize, Miss Bertina was second. But oh ho, wait! Miss Piperlime Thoughtful tells Miss Bertina that they want to produce her Disco Gypsy look as well as Enya’s maxidress, so check out Miss Bertina. Two snaps and a clap. Next up is Smeagol and then Racist Barbie. Left behind are Gay Ryan Reynolds and Colorblind Uniball. A few slaps at both of them and then Uniball is out. Back in the stew room, errybody is emotional about Uniball leaving, including Tim. A much more emotional leaving than last week when Ohio Oliver was unceremoniously booted out.
Next week on Project Runway: Birds! Shrieking! Standing on tables! Pan-do-lirium!
