Bruno Mars seems to be everywhere these days – his videos are on MTV, his songs are on pop radio, his face is on all manner of print ads. But what impact has he really made on the federal court scene? None, of course. Well, none until September 1st of this year.
Joseph Agnew was on a full football scholarship at Rice University when he suffered a career-ending injury after his sophomore season. The university informed him that he was no longer a member of the football team and therefore would no longer continue to receive his scholarship for the remaining two years at school. He applied for and received an additional year of tuition, even though he was no longer on the team. His request for full tuition for his senior year was subsequently denied and Mr. Agnew was forced to pony up his last year’s tuition out-of-pocket to recieve his degree. He sued claiming that two NCAA bylaws mandating one-year scholarships and scholarship caps for athletes were in violation of federal law.
The judge, sitting for the Sourthern District of Indiana (in Indianapolis, the home of the NCAA, no less), essentially smacked the suit down and granted the NCAA’s motion for dismissal. But Judge Jane Mangus-Stinson, a relatively new federal judge confirmed by the Senate just last year, invoked the immortal stylings of American wordsmith Peter Gene Hernandez:
The Court agrees with the NCAA that the “market” for bachelor’s degrees is implausible as a matter of law because people cannot simply purchase bachelor’s degrees at Division I colleges and universities. Notwithstanding pop culture lyrics to the contrary, you can’t just “mess around and get [a] college degree.” Bruno Mars, “Lazy Song,” Doo-Wops & Hooligans, Atlantic Records (2011).
1) I think it’s incredibly awesome that a federal judge would invoke such language, even if the referenced song makes me want to club baby seals every time I hear it.
2) Can you believe Bruno Mars was actually born Peter Gene Hernandez?
Read the full opinion, with the Bruno Mars ref on page 16, here.
Either way, invoking pop song lyrics is a great way to bring a younger generation of legal minds into the fold. I sincerely hope this becomes a trend within the federal court system. Imagine Slingin’ Sammy Alito droping some GaGa on a heated labor case or Sexy Stephen Breyer smoothing over a cross-state water dispute with a bumping Beyoncé hook.
