Well, two more kids will have to leave the stage just momentarily, not for forever, just for like ten minutes until the tour starts. But yeah, you know, we’ve gotta see who it’s going to be.
Let’s see who’s leaving the stage but still, uh, living in the house!
Justin Giles the choreographer of the group routine must have really enjoyed Gaga’s mention about his rose routine, or he has FIRE-FACE GAGA HATE, because boy was there a big frackin rose on that stage! I wouldn’t have been more surprised if the rose just launched into its own contemporary dance routine…and then it did. It floated into the sky amid a shower of glitter. Yep, I think Giles told Gaga to suck on his big honking rose! No, seriously. It was a pretty nice routine, but there’s no way I don’t believe there was subtext there. No siree.
Cat Deeley, Clawed in a Cat Fight
Remember yesterday when I said Cat’s frock was boring, beige, bubble wrap? Well someone heard me and gave her a yellow living room drapey that’s been clawed by the a housecat complete with lopsided chew toy up by the neck. It was fabulous. It was all stripped and ragged, not at all cute or polished. It’s like someone needed to make an immediate tourniquet and all they had was Cat’s dress. This is what we like to see…wardrobe absurdity.
The judges were back sans Christina Applegate who was home dragging a brush through her tangled dreadlocks. Nigel was cheeky as ever, Lil’C was bucking his buck, and Mary thankfully had a mass of purple church fans covering her cha-chas. We’re happy about this since we were nearly impaled in the eyeball by her broiled cleavage on Wednesday night.
Everyone jaws a bit more about that damnable dance day, now showing us video clips of nursing homes and other random people in insane asylums doing the dance steps. Even Katie Holmes shows up without Tom Cruise’s GPS locator collar. Why Katie Holmes and not like Charro I don’t know. Yes, yes sure, whatever. It’s healthy, people should move…that’s nice.
D4YLife!
Well, everybody gets a chance to dance since it would be anticlimactic to just announce who’s safe right off the bat. Everyone pulls out all the stops as if there’s really much more competition left to do. Sasha does some intricate, bird like movements on time with the music showcasing a unique style and her musicality. Caitlynn dons yet another sparkle bra and turns up the notch in her dancing just a little bit more than in recent performances. Melanie dressed in black “I’m serious dancer garb” did a few effortless splits with an anguished face. Tadd brought out more “Tadd Tricks” ending with some sort of difficult elbow pose, you know after walking down the stairs on his hands. Marko kept it professional with some executed flips and graceful movement. Ricky was a stunner leaping and turning and doing some tricky cheerleading move that scared everyone.
Guest Performances:
Aw, Kent and Lauren, our favorite prom king and queen were extra sweet and lovely dancing to the Travis Wall piece “Collide.” Don’t we just love them? And of course whenever I see a couple with natural chemistry dancing on this show I just say KENT AND LAUREN SHOULD GET MARRIED! But really, did you see that kiss at the end…didn’t look all that scripted to me. Umm-hmmm.
Rasta Thomas’ Bad Boys of Dance were interesting. At times I thought they were just amazing, at others I thought they were a little off. And the woman in the center didn’t always seem to jibe with the others. I liked this, but compared to the League of Extraordinary Dancers…they didn’t have the same Wow factor.
Lastly, some American Idol person named Pia Toscano, got on stage and sang an American Idol song about “being the best” or “not stopping now” or “giving it my all” you know, what all those songs sound like.
Results:
So now we get down to it. It’s no real surprise right? Ricky and Caitlynn will be returning to the house to prepare for the big finale next week, and to take a few phone calls about jobs in advance of the tour…but you know, they won’t actually be onstage competing anymore. All that competition extra work will just be for Melanie, Sasha, Marko, and Tadd. Ricky and Caitlynn will be having Ben & Jerry’s and watching Entourage this weekend.
Surprised anyone? You really shouldn’t be. Now if Jess was still there…then maybe I’d have something to shake my fist about. This, well, yeah, okay.
