Here at Crasstalk, we regularly hear about annoying co-workers, boring co-workers, inconsiderate co-workers, incompetent co-workers, backstabbing co-workers and even the odd Scott Adams-style co-worker. And about managers who are petty, sadistic and anti-social. Of course, we also boast of our own errors, drunkenness, forgetfulness and irritating behaviours, often while we are meant to be doing productive work. We want our co-workers and managers to obey an unwritten code of etiquette. At the same time, we don’t want unnecessarily restrictive fascist management cramping our style and making us unhappy for no good reason. Where’s the line?
“Food must not be eaten at your work station”. Divisive. BHP uses a “hot desk” system with no fixed workstation, so the onions you drop today will be someone else’s problem tomorrow. So is this a matter of etiquette? But as long as you clean up, it’s all good, right? And if you can’t eat at the desk, you might not get to eat, or you might need to stay later to make up for the meal break. So is this office fascism?
“Food with strong odours is not allowed at all.” Unanimous. Totally right. People who decide to microwave their onion and garlic pizza and then parade it up and down the hall? Keel-hauling is too good for them.
“Other than workstation identification and first aid or fire warden signage, nothing is to be placed on workstation dividers, walls or doors at any time.” Unanimous. Totally fascist. We yearn for ways to identify ourselves, to “be a person, not a number”. Even with a hot desk system, while that workstation is your space, you should be able to put a photo of your kids on your workstation wall.
Number 1 divisive office etiquette issue: smoking. Those lazy buggers going out for 15 minutes 6 times a day, as well as the same lunch breaks and toilet breaks and getting up to gossip around the water cooler time as everyone else! And coming back in stinking the place up with smoker breath! Bad office etiquette! But the smokers see the rest of us as fascists, for some reason.
Swearing. Divisive! It depends on the workplace of course. In front of retail customers, or where special little snowflake ears can hear, of course no swearing is reasonable. But behind closed doors where only working adults can hear? Is it really reasonable to frown on the occasional S word? To shit on the occasional F word? Is it a natural part of communication, which helps express emotion, or is it something which really just Should Not Be Done and restrain yourself, for fuck’s sake.
Talking loudly about your disgusting illnesses. Unanimous! If you’re really good friends with someone, then you can talk quietly about your necrotic halitosis, but the entire office doesn’t want to hear you.
Clothing! Most workplaces have some kind of dress code, and most dress codes are so flexible you can tie them in knots. How high and low can a dress be cut before it’s distracting and unprofessional instead of self-expression? Is it really your boss’ business how tight your pants are? What is business casual anyway?
Your thoughts, as always, in the comments.
This article was inspired by a recent article about leaked office rules at mining giant BHP Billiton, as reported in The Age
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