We’re whittling down those numbers in quick fashion. These kids had better bring their A-games or they will be cut, cut, cut. Last night the top ten were announced, the All-Stars are coming, and if you don’t understand the power of hotpants then, well, there’s not much we can do to save you.
Last night’s group routine was interesting. Did they hear our thoughts yesterday about a Paso Doble without a cape? It’s not that we didn’t like Sasha’s pants ensemble…just that we think that not every performance has to be tweaked to fit the dancer’s personality. In a less forgiving sense, you could almost say that it was a bit of an unfair advantage. But what do we know, we just sit on our couches and critique while also thinking about bacon. Anyhoo, the group routine was actually pretty good, if not a bit cluttered. There was a lot going on with all those gaping fish mouths from the ladies, and at times distracting acrobatics from the guys. I’m not sure Jordan was really up to snuff as the lead here, but it was a good effort even if something is still lacking from these performances that past seasons have been able to capture. (Mia, mostly.)
Cat Deeley, Subdued in her Emmy Nom Glory
Our Cat was decidedly toned down last night. No bird feathers, bejeweled sternums, or otherwise wacky things braided into her hair. Could it be the seriousness of an Emmy nom affecting her usually inventive wardrobe? We’ll see next week where she could have crocodile teeth draped from her armpit, you never know. Last night, though, she kept it simple with a beige frock with a sweetheart neckline, a reduced tan, and simple accessory embellishments. Boring but so very appropriate when you’re up against that stiff bottom jaw, Jeff Probst.
JTF (AKA Jesse Tyler Ferguson), Crasstalk BFF, Boyfriend, and potential Husband to a legion of CT SisterWives, was back in the judges seat tonight. Yay! We so love Jesse. (Quick question. Why was Carmen Electra only judging last week’s performance episode and was absent for eliminations? Curious! Maybe because PussyCat Doll isn’t really the cabbage filling in a dance egg roll like she thought? Hmm.) Cat and Jesse exchanged congrats about both their Emmy nods and Nigel chimed in about the show’s collective nominations, but made it a special point to applaud our wonderful Cat on the nomination separately. We loved that. Aw, Nigel. You’re like the creepy uncle who comes to visit, and when you’re not saying inappropriate things, we think you’re kind of sweet.
And now for the good stuff…we find out who the All-Stars will be. Not so fast. We’ve got to discuss The Curse of Alex Wong’s Tendons. Sheesh, kid. We think you need a layer of Wolverine Adamantium under your skin. Nigel tells us that Alex was set to be an All-Star, but that he went on an audition for another show (interesting) and managed to snap his other tendon! Not the same one! But the one on the other foot! What are the chances? C’mon tell me that when you heard Nigel say he was auditioning for another show, you didn’t get the sense that Nigel was thinking something like, “Well, if you would have just been exclusive with us maybe that wouldn’t have happened.” He was a bit smug. Just a tad. So no Alex…but we do get Melody (season 1); Allison (season 2); Pasha (season 3); Chelsie (season 4); Comfort (season 4); Twitch (season 4); Brandon (season 5); Kathryn (season 6); and Robert (season 7). I barely remember Kathryn, and this is Allison Twitch, and Comfort’s…what, second time or so? SYTYCD, you guys need a deeper well. I’m excited for Melody (I loved her), Brandon (amazing dancer), and Chelsie (on loan from DWTS I assume). Pasha, meh. Robert meh, meh.
At some point Nigel starts that Flash Mob/Dance Day shill, I shoot myself in the face…and then I wake up when the results are given out.
Results:
Well, crap. That little annoying bed bug Jess is safe, and so is Clarice who wore something straight from the Frederick’s of Hollywood collection. Good Christmas. It’s okay to wear lingerie under lace now and call it a unitard or something? Spirit wasn’t included on that memo. Melanie and Marko, (yeah, right, these two are ever going to be in the bottom), sprinted into the safe category. Jordan and Tadd despite that fairytale set in the bowels of 1980’s hell, managed to skate by after being in the bottom for the last three weeks. So up for elimination were Caitlynn and Mitchell, thanks Christopher Scott; Ryan and Ricky, thanks Spencer Liff; and Sasha and Alexander, thanks Paso Pants. By far Sasha and Alexander in the bottom was the biggest shocker. There is a personality disconnect here that is no longer masked, I think.
Guest Performance:
Next on the Carmen Electra PussyCat Doll train to mediocrity is Nicole Scherzinger! My goodness what was this even about? After about 45 seconds Spirit got up for a snack and a drink and didn’t return until the discarded J.Lo pop song that fell out of Scherzinger’s throat took its final wheeze onstage. Horrendous.
Hey, there’s tap dancing! I’m sorry, but I’m just going to say it…unless it has the style and panache of the Nicholas Brothers, I’m not entertained by the two-footed, loping tap-shuffle that is modern day tap dancing. And there was also rapping of some sort. Huh. Okay. Couldn’t I just do this with some bottle caps on my shoes and some good linoleum? Sorry. Yes, Melinda, season 7, whatever, snooze.
D4YLife!
Mitchell as usual danced his heart out in another non-Spirit approved unitard, but regardless, his movement was wonderful. I wasn’t all that impressed with Ricky’s performance. The crowd and Nigel hailed it as spectacular. I thought it was just okay compared to Mitchell’s. Alexander, who I thought did a smart thing by performing a ballet piece, didn’t seem to impress the judges, or maybe Sonya’s jewelry threatened to attack her, and they sent Alexander home.
Caitlynn did a group of kick and one, and leap and two, and leg extension and three, set to music, Sasha did a freestyle to Bobby McFerrin which somehow fit her, but left the judges underwhelmed (don’t get cocky, girl!), and finally Ryan did some sort of Electric Slide in Hotpants (Hi Sandy!) thing that almost ended in a Fred Berry Pop & Lock routine. This sent her home, and I agreed with that. Wow.
So what do you think? Should it have been Alexander? Was his solo that bad? I might have sent Ricky home. And I think we’ll finally get to see what Sasha can really do. I’m excited for next week, aren’t you? Jesse Tyler Ferguson fiercest celebrity judge so far, JTF = Judge Thug Forever.
