I was wondering what would annoy me enough to rouse me out of my summer funk. And lo and behold, Karen Spears Zacharia, writing for CNN, managed to do it with by whining about the farcical parenting book Go The Fuck to Sleep. She, and some of the commenters at CNN, find no humor whatsoever in a book that makes light of a daily battle for parents of small children.
She reminds me of an individual who became upset at some of the jokes I was cracking during the last few days of a pregnancy. This person felt that I was being negative about pregnancy when I compared myself to a bloated seal. I was swollen like an overstuffed sausage and I was exhausted due to insomnia. (There is a purpose to the misery of the last few weeks of pregnancy – you no longer fear labor. Instead, it sounds like a wonderful idea because at least the baby will be out and you will no longer need to pee every 5 minutes.) According to this individual, every joke I made seemed to prove that I would not love or properly care for my baby because I was not appropriately reverent during the last days of pregnancy.
Why can’t we kid around about difficult situations? What’s wrong with acknowledging the fact (and it is a fact) that small children can be exasperating? The purpose of “Go The Fuck to Sleep” type humor isn’t to demean children – it’s to acknowledge and commiserate about a shared difficulty. When you are exhausted and someone is preventing you from getting rest, it’s really, really frustrating. If you don’t admit that, you’re an asshat. If there’s one thing I can’t stand about some other parents, it’s the affectation that parenthood is all sunshine and rainbows and Fulfilling Moments With Children Who Are The Future. I believe a good laugh can release a good deal of tension. In my mind, tension makes for more bad parenting decisions than a good laugh does.
I personally have trouble relating to people who don’t use humor to cope with stress. I know that it’s not everyone’s way, whereas I use humor to cope with almost all stressful situations (including death, which really freaks some people out). I think it’s massively judgmental and fundamentally incorrect to conclude that people who kid around about their children care less about them.
Go the Fuck to Sleep holds a special place in my heart right now. My two year-old daughter will not go the fuck to sleep at night and it’s driving me nuts. She’s also been waking up and having tantrums at 3 am. I’m sure she’ll outgrow it but it’s nice to know that someone else feels my pain. I can laugh and remind myself that I’m not the first or last person to go through this. My daughter is not throwing tantrums because I am fundamentally incapable of parenting. My daughter is not a freak of nature. She is being normal two-year old and I can at least have the relief of laughing about it. My mom turned to Erma Bombeck; I’ll turn to my generation’s version, which is bound to include an f-bomb.
I am currently hard at work on my creative discipline book tentatively titled: Knock It Off or You’re Taking Square-Dancing Lessons. It’s nice to know there is someone like who Ms. Zacharia will take complete and utter offense to it. In her honor, I have decided to plan an entire series of books. I think that Go the Fuck to Sleep is really just a marginal effort at being disrespectful to children. Why not go whole hog? There is always room for more so I would appreciate your input. The titles I have drafted so far are:
• Santa Claus Isn’t Real, Dumbass
• You’re Too Old to Crap Your Pants
• You Have Destroyed Your Parents’ Sex Life
• Why Are You Always Whining?
• Meet Your Foster Family! (This one should really get her going.)
