Well, we knew it was coming. The dreaded double elimination. It just seems like yesterday the kids made it to the show from Vegas week. And now for four of them it will all be over; off to relative obscurity for you. It’s kind of like what happens, uh, well, when you win the show. So maybe it won’t be so bad! Obscurity can be awesome, right? Well, no. But at least drinking Gatorade can return to being a private experience again.
So who will we lose tonight?
We open with the requisite group dance routine. This time it’s choreographed by Dave Scott with music by Nina Simone whom we J’adore in all her magnanimousness. But wait? Just what is this? I’ll just say that I didn’t get it. What was with the shorts? Seriously, bowler hats and shorts, and the briefcases, the flailing arms, and those shorts? And uh, is that a Janet Jackson move there in the middle? Sheesh. This is just a confusing mess of styles and movement….all done in plaid shorts. Dave Scott, you haven’t impressed me with your choreography in some time! And this is no exception.
After whatever the hell that was, Cat comes out in a one-armed tangerine dress. We sort of like this half-Grecian thing tonight with the matching tangerine lip. We really can’t complain, but yet again, it is a little boring. What is this, Cat? You’ve worn some truly inspired crap in the past! Why so tame now? I bet Iveta will outdo you tonight.
We’re reintroduced to the judges and then we gaze upon Debbie Reynolds’ helmet-of-hair-spectacular and we swear it waved back at us, it can barely move, but it uncurled itself briefly from the top and waved ever so slightly. We’re honored. Debbie is keeping with her sparkly pantsuit motif and this time it’s the color of a lustrous gold pelt. We love it. We don’t even see Great Aunt Janet’s hip flask, she’s hidden it away quite nicely. And so sweetly Debbie says that she’s having a fabulous time, and we think that she should come back and judge again, because she’s terribly cute and unpredictable. Betty White, eat your heart out.
Nigel finally decides to tell us just what the winner will get if they win other than nonexistent superstardom, unless you watch an SNL performance and you say, “Hey, that’s Mark,” or they land inexplicably on Dancing With the Stars, the SYTYCD geriatric nemesis. Nigel and SYTYCD will never tell you who’s found success, you’ll just have to live your entire life and hope to see a winner by accident. What they’ll win, well according to Nigel, is a QUARTER OF A MILLION DOLLARS! Wait. Isn’t that just $250,000? Nice, but saying MILLION DOLLARS in there, Nigel, doesn’t make it spectacular. And they also get…an ad spot in a Gatorade commercial? What? A Gatorade commercial? Um, couldn’t they just go to an audition and say, “Hey, I was on SYTYCD and I can do this (split, jump, leap, arabesque thing) and the casting director could say, “Great. You’ll be in our next commercial.” This isn’t a prize, Nigel, and Cat thinks so too. She says what we’re all thinking, “You can buy an awful lot of shoes with that.” Spot on, Cat.
And just because we haven’t heard the word Gatorade enough this evening, because weren’t you guys just thinking that we so need a bit of Gatorade product placement right now? We get some Gatorade nutritionist/shill rep who goes to the kid’s refrigerator under the guise of discussing healthful foods…and what do you know ice cream is bad, snack crackers are bad, but do you know what’s not bad…GATORADE, which you can find copious amounts of on this table, and in this vending machine behind me, and in huge packages next to me. Shill, shill, shill! Now for a shot of the kids eating some Gatorade protein shill bars while they say, “Wow, this is good.” Yay! Lame.
On to the results:
We start with Wadi and Missy’s Cha-cha which was pretty amateur and not at all up to snuff. We’ll be surprised if this isn‘t in the bottom three. And we’re right. It is. Caitlynn and Mitchell with their punch-inducing contemporary was one of the more inspired of the night. They’re probably safe. Yup, they are. With Sasha and Alexander, their lyrical hip-hop was emotional and timely, and caused most everyone to get teary while watching this powerful performance. It was simply wonderful. Again, America is crazy if these two are in the bottom three. No need to worry, they’re so very safe. And we love seeing Sasha’s sister cheering in the audience.
In the next group we begin with Miranda and Robert who had a woo-hoo-less routine where they played dancing woodpeckers which made total sense. No, not at all. Not sure what Nappy Tabs were thinking here. They could be in trouble because there was a bit of a fall…but they’re safe. Next up are Melanie and Marko. Their Jazz routine wasn’t all that memorable even though they danced it well. They’ve quickly become one of our favorites, so it’s hard to think that one sort of meh performance would knock them from their pedestal, and we’re right. They’re safe. Lastly, we’re down to Tadd and Jordan, Iveta and Nick, Ryan and Ricky, Ashley and Chris, and Jess and Clarice. For Tadd and Jordan, they drew the Viennese Waltz which is sometimes tough for the dancers, and for the viewers, but they handled it wonderfully. Did America agree? They do.
Now, it’s time for: What is Iveta Wearing Tonight?
Iveta, still a fan of wristlets and rhinestone belts, is like a sassy silver pipe cleaner. All sparkle and swingy pizzazz. It’s a little Ann Margret from the 1960’s, but hey, if Elvis or Wayne Newton were in the audience we’re sure they’d be spellbound.
Iveta and Nick, who performed the first Bollywood of the season had a bit of trouble connecting and didn’t really produce a routine of past Bollywood caliber. Did it show? Yes, they are in the bottom three. For Ashley and Chris, I’m thinking that there’s no way their Cry Baby inspired Please Mr. Jailer routine is in the bottom. And we’re right. They’re safe. What about Ryan and Ricky? In my opinion for the music choice alone they could be in the bottom. Mandy Moore never do that again. They’re in the bottom. So that leaves Jess and Clarice. The two dancers both no taller than a thimble danced an awkward routine that showed more weaknesses than strengths, but they’re safe, surprisingly.
Results Show Performances: There are like twenty kids on stage who call themselves the Rage Crew, and it’s about seven minutes of them raging across the stage high on Gummi Bears doing all kinds of flips and jumps nonstop. There is so much energy on that stage that it’s almost blinding. Did you guys see the little girl in the front? Cute as a button and epically fierce, but there was just a little too much booty popping for me, but then I’m an old. Is eight year old booty popping okay? Anyway, it was mostly fun. For the second performance, LMFAO shows up backed by the Quest Crew with Hok and Ryan, and we’re confused. Just what the hell? It’s like visual cancer. It’s a mess and it’s ugly and it should never happen on television again. There’s someone with a box on their head. No, really, THERE’S SOMEONE PERFORMING WITH A BOX ON THEIR HEAD.
Solo Time!:
Wadi isn’t showing his best here. Yes, he lands on time at the end, but it wasn’t very good. Missy does some sort of frenetic dancing thing set to horrendous robot music. I can’t see how that will help. Nick, sorry buddy, but as soon as we hear the tap shoes we know it’s the end for you. Iveta, our saucy James Bond villainess, sparkle jives around the stage, but actually for a ten dance champion we’ve seen better. Ricky pulls out all the stops. He actually dances quite well and looks amazing. Ryan just barely moves around the stage dancing to an old Usher song that was really an awful choice. We didn’t really care. Not her best, or maybe it is. We’re a little unsure of Ryan as a dancer.
Who Goes Home Tonight?
The judges are unanimous. So that means bad things…er, this was easy. So, guys and girls you really need to step up your solos if the judges are unanimous. Nigel doles out the bad news. To sum up…Missy, there’s not much I can fault…except that robotic thing you did was sort of lame. He also blames Wadi for her being there. Iveta, we’ll always remember the routine you did with Pasha…we’ll that’s kind of a kiss off. Ryan, your routine tonight sucked, but somehow your performance carried you through. You’re safe. For the boys, he tells Wadi that he didn’t dance for his life, and to Nick he says he’ll be a star with a twinkle in his eye (Who is he Santa Claus?)…sounds like the kiss of death. And lastly to Ricky he says, we haven’t seen you dance as well as we saw here tonight in your solo, and you put everything on the line, and we’re keeping you. Wadi and Nick see ya later. Missy and Iveta…buh-bye.
Who Should Have Gone Home:
I was sad to see Wadi go, but I can’t say that he didn’t belong in the bottom last night, and that pretty much sealed his fate. Even though if all things being equal, there’s no way he should be going home before Robert who is still annoying, Jess, who is annoying, and possibly a one trick pony. I feel similarly about the girls. I would have liked Iveta to stay so we can witness more fashion because I believe she did have talent, and also since I’m not too sure how I feel about Ryan, so far she’s neither here nor there with me, and if I don’t have a real opinion, then well, you haven’t done your job. However, once Iveta’s name was called I was pretty sure she’d be going home. And well, Missy, the robot thing was horrible. No way they can keep you after that.
Update:
According to Entertainment Weekly, fans and even one choreographer isn’t happy. Many believe that Robert, Jess, and Ryan should have gotten the boot over Wadi, Nick, and Iveta. And I concur. If the show is really about seeing growth and awakening talent in genres other than their own…then, well, these folks should still be there. Especially Wadi, who could have lit that stage on fire with his acrobatics alone. Well, you know, this is what happens when you play for ratings. Right, Travis Wall?
Here’s what he had to say:
Omg! Sorry 2 say but the judges made a huge mistake last week & should have sent people home.Were gonna say goodbye 2 the wrong ones tonight.
What do you think? Who should have gone home?
