Things that explode and screech through the night. This is what the blockbuster season means to movies, right? Well, these next few offerings are no exception. Be prepared for showdowns and battles that will rattle the gods, and perhaps your wallet, because the next few months will be full of movies keen on thrilling your eyeballs.
Summer is coming.
Transformers: Dark Side of the Moon
This is the trailer you were waiting for, right? I mean what could be better than Michael Bay and Shia LaBeouf teaming up yet again for another Robot Karaoke? I’m not sure much else in the world is better than that.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GzQmf-HdzDI
Whoa. It’s like serious robots take over the world time. I think we can tell by the vibrating trill of all those angry oboes in the trailer. Michael Bay means business this go round. Well, okay. I guess if you’re going to shuttle various huge tin monsters across the screen you’d better bring along some drama…and not just any drama, but big, bad, kill all humans, drama. But wait, didn’t we do that in the first two movies? Just what is going on in that robot world that ends with the demise of humans? They don’t need to eat us, and as far as I can tell they don’t need our natural resources…so what then? Are they looking for better mall parking? I’m thinking that’s just it. They want to get rid of us for prime parking spaces.
Aside from the parking issue, apparently some new energized toaster wants to defeat Optimus Prime, and Shia just won’t let that happen, you see? He’s even willing to shoot someone…another robot maybe, to stop the world from being overrun by copious evil CGI, er, transforming droids. Bang. Boom. Crash. Giggle. Snort. And then there’s some connection to NASA’s 1960’s movie about the moon. Puzzling. That Michael Bay is just educating the world about science and steel beings on roller skates. Genius.
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2
I’m going to forewarn all you diehard Potterites out there that I am not really part of your flock. While I admire what J.K. Rowling has been able to bring to literature and the realm of fantasy, I don’t get all the Muggle, Hogwarty, Quidditch stuff, so I’m just going to discuss the trailer and not get into the lore. Anyone who wants to go forth and make commentary about all of the above, please feel free to do so. I welcome it.
Well, it looks as if the three witchly kids are in a bit of a pickle…again. There’s an emaciated Nosferatu chasing after them crowing about his immortality, various fire dragons, and other hulking beasts…which equals lots of trouble for Potter. This definitely appears to be a pretty dark conclusion, and for the characters, it looks as if the entire Harry Potter universe is in turmoil. I get it. Once upon a time a young boy and his luckdragon had to save all the world too. This is not uncommon in the world of magical boys and their fantastical friends, eh?
The most impressive thing about this is the sheer determination and desperation that comes through. The kids are putting everything on the line, and that seems difficult to do when it’s just, you know, three of you. The overriding sentiment is either kill or be killed, which ratchets up the action scenes, makes the relationships between the three more dire, and certainly paints the picture of imminent destruction if one isn’t careful. There is much more here than when the kids first started with in their colorful scarves and childish pranks. Largely, it looks to be a formidable coup de grace for the franchise, and at this point, worth waiting for if you adore the series.
X-Men: First Class (Extended Trailer)
So there will be an X-Men movie for all time, eras, and characters, eh? Okay. So this one’s about a 1960’s Magneto and Professor Xavier back when they were buddies who just wanted to be liked by humans or something like that. I’m not totally sure why we need this origin story. I’ve kind of taken Bad Mags and Ghandi Bald X at face value, one is good, one is evil. To explore this further is kind of like that whole thing about Darth Vader becoming Vader. He’s like…Vader, right?
As trailers go for an origin movie this one doesn’t look so bad. Basically it does what it needs to, but mostly it tells us what we can already figure out just by having watched the last three of these things. This movie was really just made to make it more of a theatrical piece and less of a silly comic book movie. They’ve added some heavier actors, even though what January Jones is doing in this thing with her sullen cheekbones, I have no idea. I imagine her speaking parts are very few.
Forever bad guy Michael Ironside shows up here too, so I guess he’ll be the imperial villain, because this is what he really does best. Recent Oscar nominee Jennifer Lawrence is playing it light as Mystique which is kind of fun. We did always wonder about her, and if she ever wore clothes, right? She’s not the only actor appearing here; James McAvoy, who seems a bit too young to want to run a school for “gifted youngsters,” looks all concerned and serious as the mop-headed Xavier. All of this should make for a good few millions of popcorn cash at the theater this summer, there’s no doubting that…but whether it can revive a necrotic franchise that featured Halle Berry doing an accent, remains to be seen.
Immortals
Henry Cavill, former right hand to Henry IV in The Tudors, and Superman in the upcoming Superman: Man of Steel, will debut his solo acting chops this Fall in the Immortals. He plays mythical Athenian hero Theseus, son of Aetha, and fathered by Aegeus and Poseidon, both of whom Aethra had relations with on the same night. Um-hmm, well okay, then. He’s said to slay minotaurs and ogres and ascend to become king of Athens. Well, short of any ancient monarchy, we’ll see if Cavill can handle the hero status in this little movie…since most everyone will use this thespian reckoning to determine whether his portrayal of Theseus, son of a God, can justify becoming son of Jor-El.
Okay, so 300 meets last year’s Clash of the Titans starring man-steak Sam Worthington, but with more fire whips and pyro-arrows! I’d say that this would have been more interesting had we not already seen those two movies, one of which, being so unconscionably terrible I nearly had a seizure when Liam Neeson and Ralph Finnes appeared on screen. I can’t imagine what more there is to say about mythical people who have mystical abilities all wrapped up in a magical weapon of some kind. Will this be Clash of the Princely Titans of Persia bad? I’d say it has about a 60% chance.
There’s some pretty gorgeous cinematography though, which helps. Many of us kind of love the muted, almost golden tone this style brings, mostly, right? But really the slow-mo fight thing, the ancient, mythological battles, and random Mickey Rourke? Well, yeah, I’d say this is definitely trapped in an overdone movie trope. I’m thinking they should have just called this what it was…Henry Cavill’s Screen Test, because that’s all we really want to know here. Still, after the summer blockbusters peter out, perhaps we’ll be looking for a fall hero film, and with enough hype, it could make some good numbers. After all, I’m positive people will go see Thor.
