Hello? Hello? Look, darling, I’ve no time to explain. Can you come down to the police station with a C-note, an apricot-colored standard poodle that does tricks, and a couple of bottles out of Jerry’s Lagavulin stash? It’s kind of an emergency, and even if it weren’t, it would still be a heck of a party.
If you check out the gossip links below, you’ll see all the other degenerates I’ve invited. No, no, calm down: we won’t ruin your carpets. Why do you think I’m having it at the police station? Well, as a matter of fact I was arrested, but don’t change the subject! Oh, don’t be silly, that Rosalind Russell never meant a thing to me; it was all about the work. No, it’s just a misdemeanor, it’s nothing. Did I say “bring cash?”
And lots of ice, too, darling.
Batman shows off his Buggysnake, his birds, and his Bat Moves in Badass Brazilian Bat Dance Action! (raincoaster)
Name That Sock! Holey celebrity footwear, Batman, whoever that is should be arrested! (Ayyyy)
Blogger pimps out own social media workshops in shocking gossip link roundup non sequitur! (raincoastermedia)
Axl Rose, living avatar of Don’t Dad, thunders towards the stage edge, and a hundred fans leap backwards rather than be crushed beneath him like so many twiglets under an orca. (Lolebrity)
Game of Thrones recap: all the news you ever wanted on the best series you’re probably not watching. (Crasstalk)
Cambridge Scholar? You might be good enough to sign on as a servant at Casa Goopy. Yes, it’ll be torture working for her, but think of the book deal! (AgentBedhead)
It’s a man, baby! Blind item not quite as blind as this retro leading man might wish. (BusyBeeBlogger)
NOBODY ignores Anna Wintour and lives. Sienna Miller had better start saying her prayers (and also laying off the facial fillers). (CelebDirtyLaundry)
Did Jessica Biel get her pity fuck after all? Gerard Butler says…she’ll take what she can get; wouldn’t you? (CelebritySmack)
Strangely, I don’t recall the nude scene in Shakespeare. That’s not going to stop this underage starlet, though! (CelebVIPLounge)
Lauryn Hill is a Duggar at heart! She’s Sexto-Mom! (DailyStab)
Whiner Weiner’s weiner winner! Hey, there’s a reason they call it “congress”! (EarSucker)
I’m not sure if that’s a wardrobe malfunction or the best idea EVER! Justin Timberlake can lift and separate me any time! (FitFabCeleb)
Dear ScarJo: ProTip: this is not how you protect your privacy. You’re welcome. (GirlsTalkinSmack)
Jennifer Aniston would really, really like you to believe her this time, and so would both their publicists. (HaveUHeard)
There will be no One Night in Jennifer Lopez tape. Not if Jennifer Lopez can help it. (HollywoodHiccups)
Photo PROOF Gerard Butler looks like the Great Gazoo! I’m not kidding, people. Cannot be unseen! (INeedMyFix)
Is this a photo of Jack Black playing with himself on the red carpet? Yes. Yes, I’m pretty sure that it is. (MathewGuiver)
Rafael Nadal shows you one reason to love white jeans. Well, technically this might be two reasons… (SwoonWorthy)
Selah.
