DahlELama

13 posts

Where Are They Now? “All That!” Edition

If you had kids, babysat kids, or were kids in the mid-90s, you probably recognize the cast of All That, the teen variety show that ran on Nickelodeon from 1994-2000. But do you know what happened to them when the show ended? Probably not! So let’s take a look back at some of the more popular cast members to answer the age-old question: Where are they now?

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(Click images to see Then and Now photos)

The undeniable biggest success to come out of All That is Miss Amanda Bynes, comedy icon to Kelly Kapoor and star of such cinematic masterpieces* as What a Girl WantsSydney White, and She’s the Man. You’ve probably seen her most recently in the role of “Bitch for Jesus” in Easy A, her last role before she went into retirement, but not to worry—the Brett Favre of the acting world has already announced that she’ll be returning to film…and tweeted some sexy pics as part of her new-and-improved resume. Sadly, there appears to be nothing on the horizon for the one-time Holly Tyler, but surely it’s only a matter of time until Lorne wises up and places her among the ranks of her Amanda Show co-star and ex-boyfriend Taran Killam and…

Kenan Thompson, who’s currently sporting various facial merkins and bald caps on All That’s grownup version, SaturdayNight Live. Thompson’s movie career blossomed around the same time he begin his stint on All That, allowing him to get Perkisized in Heavyweights and deliver goal-scoring knucklepucks in The Mighty Ducks 2 and 3, but when puberty settled in, the roles dropped out…until SNL came along and gave him the distinction of being the first cast member to be younger than the show itself. It’s no doubt been tough on Thompson, making the transition from guy who speaks fake French in the bathtub to…uh, guy who speaks fake French on Weekend Update. OK, so maybe it hasn’t been much of a stretch, but it’s certainly a long way from peddling good burgers at Goodburger along with…

Kel Mitchell, who probably both hated orange soda and watching Kenan rise to the sketch-comedy version of stardom while he languished in pop-culture history as “the skinny one.” Since All That, Kel’s done a whole bunch of things you’ve never heard of, including some rapping and voice work, and has even joined the ranks of former teen titans Mark-Paul Gosselaar, Jodie Sweetin, and Jaleel White with his very own “OMG guess who died??” rumor. However, thanks to Goodburger, his fame will live on forever, unlike…

Josh Server, aka the Token White Guy, aka the Darrell Hammond of the cast. Server was the only cast member to stick around for all six seasons, and judging by how quickly he flamed out afterwards, it’s easy to see why he clung to the franchise with the tenacity of the entire Sex and the City cast put together. These days, Server mostly just hangs around in the back lots of Nickelodeon Studios, hoping somebody will offer a role for one of his trendy hats. Nobody’s heard from him in years, and it can only be assumed that he is sustained by glowing pieces of the Aggrocrag. Not that we really had terribly high hopes for him, unlike…

Alisa Reyes, who was the clear frontrunner to be that cast member who eventually finds a career in porn but ended up proving to be a #classydisappointment™. After perfecting the character of “unfunny, annoying screechy girl” on All That, Reyes got her kicks working the soap-opera circuit. She would later become one of the most prolific forgotten guest stars of our generation, appearing in single episodes of Malcolm in the Middle, NYPD Blue, Boston Public, ER, Six Feet Under, and many more. Reyes currently lends her voice to that most noble of American institutions, Playboy Radio. It may not be the hardcore porn we were hoping for, but we’re guessing she’ll still leave you satisfied, though maybe not in the same way as…

Lori Beth Denberg—the woman, the legend, the mystery. Sadly, after exhaustive research (read: looking her up in Wikipedia) yielded no conclusive information about her life after 2004, we have no choice but to imagine that her current life looks something like this:

An American comedic icon, Lori Beth Denberg is currently retired and living in the suburbs with her loving husband and 2.5children. Together, they form the improv group “And a Bag of Chips,” with performances taking place in their finished basement every Saturday night at 7:00 sharp. During the day, Denberg can be found driving around in her station wagon, stopping at lemonade stands, and dispensing Vital Information to the neighborhood children. We bet she’s a good hugger.

*This might sound sarcastic, but it’s not. “We” really, really love Amanda Bynes.

**Super special thanks to TheGrandInquisitor and DogsOfWar for all their patience and help with the dazzling audio-visuals.

DahlELama and The_Obvious are still BFFs despite not being able to agree on whether or not cheese is disgusting. They enjoy crashing each other’s religious holiday celebrations, liveblogging Top Chef, and the fact that their nieces and nephews are cuter than yours. This is their second collaboration. You should read their first one if you haven’t already.

The Soundtrack Of Your Life

By DahlELama and The_Obvious

Hey, remember mix tapes? (If you said “no,” get out.) Remember how great it was to spend hours upon hours sitting by the stereo and waiting for the right moment to hit “record” so you could pick the perfect songs for the perfect occasions? When the right combination of Savage Garden and KC and JoJo was going to make Amanda see right past your braces and eczema and fall madly in love with you?

Since then, we’ve gradually evolved into the mix CD, followed by the hilariously short-lived minidisc era, and finally landed on the MP3 playlist, a process so quick and easy that it takes all of five seconds to create “Songs to Drop Amanda’s Pants.” But no matter how much technology improves over time, there’s only so much it can do to provide the perfect music for those not-so-perfect occasions.

Sure, it’s easy to figure out what to play for the big things, like sex (NIN’s “Closer”), break-ups (“I Will Survive”—whether Gaynor or Cake is obviously a personal decision), and long car rides (“500 Miles” by the Proclaimers, played on heavy repeat). But what about those non-milestone moments? What to play during those most awkward of awkward silences?

To that end, we present: The Soundtrack of Your Life, a playlist designed to help you get through those times when a simple mash-up of Tom Jones and Metallica just won’t suffice.

When You Need to Tell Your Coworker That You Accidentally Grabbed His Wife’s Boob at the Company Holiday Party:

When You’re About to Accidentally-On Purpose Walk in on Your Roommate Having Sex:

When the Cops are Closing in and You Know it’s Finally Time to Let Your Prisoner Out of the Basement:

When Your Homophobic Coworker Ambles Over to Discuss Prop 8. Again.: (Video NSFW)

When You Have to Inform Your Partner That You’re Giving Him or Her a Venereal Disease:


When You’re Shopping at Babeland:


When You Need to Tell Your Girlfriend You’re Actually Gay:


When You Need to Tell Your Boyfriend You’re Actually Gay:

Remember: just because Hallmark doesn’t make a card for it doesn’t mean you won’t get through it.

DahlELama and The_Obvious are BFFs who spend a lot of time yelling at the TV, thinking that they’re hilarious, and marveling over the fact that they both eat Peanut Butter and Jelly sandwiches for lunch every day. This is their first collaboration.  They promise the next one will be funnier.

Gawker Dating, Part I: Your Hair Is So Soft

It was only a matter of time, really. Put together thousands of Internet people who only like talking to other Internet people and eventually everyone was bound to want to sleep with each other. Enter #GawkerDating, a portal to the weird wide world of weird wide people; some of whom sound awesome, some of whom sound terrifying, and all of whom haven’t seen someone naked in a while. Continue reading