Well, it’s about time to turn in (unless you are part of Crasstalk EU, then get a pint for me). Hope you had a wonderful day. Get some sleep, we have a big day tomorrow.
A special thanks to all of you. The last two days have been the busiest on Crasstalk ever. It has been an honor to serve with you.
Hello Crasstalk. Wonderful as always to see you all here. It’s been an exciting day and hopefully we will have a fun night together. A couple of servicey reminders. First, if you are new, here is a handy guide to commenting on Crasstalk. Now if you could just take off your clothes so we can see what we’ve got here (sorry, I will seek help). Second, please pimp us on the social media thingies on the page so that we may storm to victory on the internets.
Also, take a look at this (thanks EPuff).
Have a great night.
Try not to break anything while fist-pumping to this video.
Seriously, is there anything cooler than the 1:12 mark when you see the sub go underwater? Someone should fix up one of those old ships and charge people to go out into the ocean and just blast those machine guns up into the air. I would pay good money to do that.
Heh. Denton’s smarmy non-apology to we commenters made me realize how far superior our new confection is. No ads. No Cheetos. No Black Swans. No First!!101!. Gawker is now like Times Square – fit only for tourists who want to… well, Gawk. And enrich others while doing it.
We can do whatever we want and no one can stop us and if I want to run through the grass Dad just cut until the green grass juice is on my feet instead of in my smoothie I can. We can tell secrets and jokes in our treehouse and I’ll pick one of Mom’s Tropicana roses and propose to all of you. (God, we gay kids even have hot pants.)
And then, after the ice cream truck is gone and we’re exhausted, we’ll tell a bunch of stories and make up words.
Tonight’s theme is SUMMER! Because it’s 3 whole months away and I can’t wait. Here’s what to do: make up a word, add a pronunciation code if you like, add a definition and use it in a sentence. Uncle Betts will show you how.
1: Oontzdouche: (OONTZ-doosh): A young person at the wheel of a rickety car, blasting music into the summer air that sounds like OONTZ-OONTZ-OONTZ! It goes on endlessly and carries through the ocean-scented air like a toxic cloud of throbbing, mutant moths and deformed sugar glider squirrels. Often followed by a squee of bad car brakes and the clink of a bottle of Miller, now filled with pee, into Mrs. Vacheron’s zinnia bed.
Our first cocktail party in the yard was marked by the Cheever-like hilarity of hearing an oontzdouche trying to compete with Sade’s “Sweetest Taboo”.
2: Sumstandard: (sum-STAN-dahd) The good feeling that you feel at the end of a summer day when you head into the lav for a badly-needed shower, snap on the light and see what you look like in the mirror. You have scratches all over you from gardening, you missed some sand between your toes, you’re a bit sunburnt, and you smell like someone sprayed a goat with No. 4711 and Bain de Soliel, and then the goat drank a few cold Sam Adams. It’s a VERY good feeling.
As the tub was filling and I saw how disheveled I was, I felt so sumstandard that it was like That Summer That Anthony Walked Me Into The Barnett’s Pool Cabana, Holding My Hand.
3: Gumfields: (GUHM-feeldz): The place in your mouth between your teeth where little bits of fresh, sweet corn kernels spend their nostalgic last moments before you pick or floss them to join their brethren. You have to pick or floss. They’re not coming out any other way.
I had two full gumfields, but my God, that farm stand has the best damn July corn ever.
You try! Make up a summer word!
Wake up! It’s time to face the day and deal with whatever nonsense modern existence throws at us today. At least we have each other. We have had a lot of new folks join us over the last couple days, so please make them feel welcome and help them out if they have questions. Here’s some drive time music to get you going today.
Have a great day!
-= Message from Ben =-
Good Morning. I’m sharing a really simple, easy to use Firefox plug-in this morning with you guys. Its called BrowserCheck and checks your web browser to make sure it is secure and all of your software is up-to-date. You can find it here: https://browsercheck.qualys.com/ You install the plug-in, it runs a scan, then if anything is out of date just click the “fix” button and it will automagically download new updates for you. (You’ll still have to run the updates once they’re downloaded.) If you’re using the interwebz to do anything related to commerce, definitely check it out. Its a really good step in the right direction for protecting your computer. (This plugin works for Mac OSX too. You guys also need to be protected!) Have a nice day!
Hello there! Hope you all had a wonderful day. I noticed a lot of new faces today and I want to welcome all of you. It’s great to see you here. Please take a moment to meet Honey Badger our beloved mascot.
Please help us spread the word about Crasstalk by using the social networking do-hickies on the site and telling your friends we are here.
Glad all of you are here. It is an honor to serve with you.
Good evening. Hope you had a great day. Here is your nightly newscast.
Caution: clip contains crazy old man profanity.
Have a great night.
It’s raining, and Monday. The Grand Inquisitor is tired and cranky. She apologizes. Let’s see if we can’t find some nice things to make the world seem sunnier.
Caution: contains one instance of the F word
There, that helped. Have a great afternoon.
Well good morning! Are you ready for another exciting week? Ok, me neither, but let’s try to get moving and maybe it won’t be so painful.
BTW, is Save Ferris the cutest band ever, or what?
Want to join in? Here’s how:
Have a great morning.
-= A Message from Bens =-
Hello friends. The numbers are in for yesterday’s liveblog of the Oscars. We had a lot of traffic yesterday, and the server held up just fine. However, we used quite a lot of bandwidth. Please please donate when you can. We’re not internetting on Nick Denton’s dime. I hate to ask you guys to donate, but please get in the habit of sending us some money every week or two so we’re still around. $10 isn’t a lot of money, if we got $10 a month from all of our users we’ll be around for as long as you want us to be here!
If you see an article you like, please please tweet it, facebook it, etc. We need more users! Heck, get an approved commenting account on Gawker and spam links to crasstalk! Exposure is good for us. We can’t do it without you!
(Shameless pathetic semi-rant over.)
Have a nice day!
Good evening. Hope you have had a great weekend and are snuggled up and relaxed. Let me help you out:
Remember, use the fan brush, it works every time.
Doesn’t that feel better? Nighty, nite.