Milkshaker

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Female. Smart-arse. In Scotland. I drink your milkshake. I drink it UP.

Scotireland – How to Avoid Celtic Confusion

Scotland and Ireland.  Two places you probably know nothing much about.  But in this week of St Paddy – try not to get them mixed up.  Especially if you want to befriend a native on March 17th.

Don’t look to Hollywood.  They are the source of Scotireland.   They cannot tell the difference particularly with accent.  It is just one of many things Hollywood gets things wrong all the time.  Hence Scotland’s Gerard Butler (apparently of Irish stock like many from Glasgow) apologised for doing a shitty ‘Irish’ accent in PS I Love You.  Quite rightly.  I don’t know if Liam Neeson did the same did the same for Rob Roy – but he should.  However, next to Jessica Lange in that movie  – he was Meryl Streep.  Piss-poor accents bring natives out in hives (e.g. Braveheart).

However – I think we in the Old World should be more generous.   Internal cultural nuances are tricky for everyone.   People in North America never get to hear actual authentic accents – apart from Craig Ferguson.  And many still think he is Irish.   Perhaps it is time to admit – to the untrained ear, Scots and Irish do sound a bit similar.

And here is why – both countries have considerable overlap.   It is easy to mix-up at times.  Some parts of Ireland are heavily influenced by Scotland and vice versa.   But if you wander in from outside – how are you to know? A bit of history might help illustrate why.

The Irish in Scotland

Scotland can be divided basically into various crude units.  Western Scotland and the Islands being one.   Another is other is Lowland Scotland.  Third is Eastern and the far North Scotland.  Each component is different in some way such as geography or political allegiances and historical language.  However, you can say that Lowlanders stem from the ancient Kingdoms of the Britons (various tribes who spoke a language similar to Welsh before and during the Roman Occupation – 39 to 410 AD) and that Eastern & North Scotland come from the 7 Kingdoms of the Picts.

To be honest – we don’t know that much about the Picts other than even the Romans considered them insular and warlike. The Pictish language and culture is mostly very mysterious – but was probably a native language of ancient Britain called Brythonic as seen in the place names.  Modern Welsh and Breton are Brythonic languages and are rather similar.   The Picts left behind some enigmatic stone carvings and one book full of Kingly names and not much else.    Some fanciful theories about their origins are unproven and IMO rubbish.   Anyone who has been to Aberdeen knows same folks are still there.

What we do know is that some 1500 years ago – Pictland and the Lowland Kingdoms regularly made war (and marriage!) with each other and their neighbours in the West.  The West and the Islands were colonised during this era by incomers from Ireland.  The Scoti and then the Gaels (rhymes with dales). The Gaels formed a kingdom called Dál Riata (Dol Re’ada).  This is where the Irish influence comes from in Western Scotland.  The language of the Gaels is still spoken today and is called Scots Gaelic (pronounced Gah-lack – Gay-lick is Ireland).    They are sort of Irish-Scots.  And their word for Scotland is Alba.

What many see as Scottish folk costume is actually called ‘Highland dress’  – meaning kilts, small harps (called clarsachs), names starting in Mc/Mac and bagpipes are more the legacy of the Gaels.   They have them in Ireland too – just in a different form.   People still play Shinty, which is similar to Irish Hurling.   Teuchter (chyuchter) is a popular word for basically a hillbilly but original meant Gaelic-speaker.    Although tartan (not called plaid BTW – a plaid rhymes with maid is the shoulder shawl in Highland dress) is a very old tradition found across the ancient Celtic world.  The ancient Gauls of France wore tartan in the Iron Age but were famous for wearing trousers.   In Scotland they are called breeks.

People in the Lowlands have never worn kilts or spoke Gaelic.   Their language Scots is a form of English with a very strong Anglo-Saxon and Scandinavian influence from over the North Sea.  Some dialect words are basically the same in Nordic languages and German today – like heme (home), coo (cow) and ken (to know – like ‘Kennen Sie?/Do you know?’ in Deutsch).   The Lowlanders were once part of the Anglo-Saxon kingdom of Northumbria – which stretched halfway to London and was before ‘England’ even existed.   .

Don’t expect to remember all this – it is a lot to digest.

The Scots in Ireland

King Billy from Kilcooley estate in Bangor, County Down.Fast forward to the 16th century AD.  With the arrival of Protestantism during the Reformation – many people from mainland Britain move over to Ireland to start plantations.  The King of Scotland James VI lead the way when he gave land confiscated from local chieftains to incomers.   Settlers from England are Anglican and bring with them the Episcopal faith – which eventually becomes the Church of Ireland.   The Scots settlers bring their more extreme Calvinist faith – called Presbyterianism and even changed the linguistic map.  These are the people called Scots-Irish and eventually go to America.  They are successful in the New World because of community fortitude and ability to survive in harsh plantation conditions learned in Ulster.   They have many descendants including 18 Presidents.

Calvinism and Roman Catholicism are very much at odds – culturally and theologically. So Catholicism is essentially banned in Britain and Ireland from the 16th to 19th century.   Heavy restrictions are imposed such as denial of land and voting rights.   BTW English Calvinists from elsewhere are called Puritans.   In the early 17th century, the people of England ( to some extent Scotland) decided to kill their king (Charles I) and impose an ultra-religious Puritan state called The Commonwealth.   Oliver Cromwell was the dictator and his treatment of the native Irish Catholics is utterly horrific.  People still shudder at his name today.

The King (Charles II) comes back eventually but when his Catholic brother James II inherits  – there is a ‘Glorious Rebellion’.  Supporters of the King are called Jacobites – including Catholic Ireland.  The Scots-Irish support his rival and brother-in-law – Prince William of Orange from the Netherlands.   They win at the Battle of the Boyne in 1690 and this is why Ulster Protestants – or Loyalists – use Orange as a motif for their various social religious societies.  In honour of King Billy – see picture.

Ireland is controlled by the minority in what is called ‘The Protestant Ascendancy’ till independence in the early 20th century.    Northern Ireland is still split on the religious grounds to this day – the basis for ‘The Troubles’ (which cannot be covered in this article).    Half the 6 counties are ‘Orange’ (and identify as ethnically British) and the other half are ‘Green’ (Republican – mostly Catholic but not always as some Church of Ireland individuals are very much neutral).     This is why Ireland is a bit Scottish.

So there you have it.  It’s all a bit mixed up and full of old wounds and hatreds.  No wonder you are confused.   I hope I have cleared things up a bit.

Questions?

Aunty Milk’s Guide to St Patrick’s Day Etiquette

St Paddy’s Day is a funny thing. I won’t even tackle what ‘being Irish’ means because it is an impossible subject.   However – suffice to say – on March 17th, being Irish means wearing green, saying ‘yee’ instead of ‘you’, ‘tis’ instead of ‘this’, drinking copious amounts of (green) alcohol and asking people to kiss you.   Apparently.   Just look at Kittay O’Noes here.   Authenticity is out the window.  This is okay I suppose and kinda nice in a way – because everyone celebrates Irish culture all over the world.

I know a lot of this article will be super-obvious to polite, cosmopolitan people (which I assume make up the majority of Crasstalkers)  – but I speak from experience.  These issues crop up. People can be very generous to the native Celts but it can be overwhelming.   So let’s make things easy for both sides …

Don’t call it ST PATTY’S DAY.  Patty is a girl’s name.  She is a character in Peanuts.  Paddy is the abbreviation for Patrick.

Do be glad you aren’t alone.  The Irish historically sowed their oats. Colin Farrell continues this trend as we speak.  Therefore every other person across the planet appears to have an Irish ancestor or friend.  Heal the world.  Michael would have wanted that.

Do be aware that to most of the world – Irish people come from Ireland.  This is whom I mean when I say “Irish”.   I know American cultural dialogue about heritages is mostly internal.  It is easy to omit the clarifying “Irish-suffix”.  But when speaking to someone from Ireland; include it as a courtesy

Don’t spend too much time talking about dead people from 150 years ago.  Yes I’m looking at you – Conan O’Brien.  Same goes for all those old ‘granny proverbs’ that are apparently ‘Irish’ but are mostly found on tea towels or t-shirts.  They are probably all made up bollocks anyway.

Do show an interest in modern Ireland. Family lore is interesting but only takes you so far with strangers.    Ireland is a very pragmatic country and only really foreigners are sentimental about it.   The weather keeps you down to earth anyway.  Ask questions. Be honest if you don’t know enough.  It will help break the ice and take you a lot further than nostalgia.

Don’t go on about personal traits you consider “Irish” (e.g.  looks, physical features or personality traits).  People from Ireland and elsewhere may not see it the same.  You may look like something completely different to them.  And what is ‘Irish looking’ anyway? Julianna Margulies could pass very easily for a local in Dublin or Galway but she isn’t at all.   Irish-Americans come in many forms too – and often don’t look remotely ‘Irish’.   It just doesn’t matter anymore.

Do be complimentary about accents in a subtle fashion.  You want to hear some?  Try some Fassbender. But gushing and asking people to say things for your amusement is too much. Just sit back and listen.  People will talk more if they think they aren’t on show.   Nobody wants to be a performing monkey.  You may think they have lovely hair too – but would you mention it every 5 minutes?

Don’t for the love of St Bono –mimic a person’s voice or do your own impression without specific prompting.  This is only funny if you know the person well! Most people will smile nicely and nod – others may tell you to fuck off.  You don’t want that.  But it happens to people with accents all the time.  Dylan explains – although he seems to confuse “English” with “Ray Winstone” or some weird drunk person from London whom I don’t recognize.  Believe me – it isn’t just the English.

Don’t approach native people with the saying “Top O’ The Morning”, “Begorrah” and any other stupid phrases nobody uses.  It is like going up to Salma Hayek and saying ‘ay ay ay arrrrrrrriba’ whilst making gun noises.  We will resign these words to the box marked ARSEBISCUITS.

Don’t bear grudges on St Paddy’s Day.  The holiday is not about that.   This includes having a swipe at other ethnicities within your country. Being positive about Irish identity is not the same as being negative about anyone else.  Remember the 19th century was shitty for many people – not just in the Irish diaspora.   And none of us were actually there to remember these hard times.

Don’t get your cultural and historical knowledge from stupid stereotypes or slushy ballads.  Know your stuff or other people will call you on it. Particularly with politics. Relations between both UK and Ireland are probably more cordial now than ever before. Northern Ireland has had it’s own assembly for some time and is basically self-governed in a lot of ways. The terrorist ceasefire holds.   Nobody wants the violence back.

Do be aware of recent historic upsets and developments.  Unfortunately, bombs don’t recognise nationalities and many innocent people were killed, maimed or scarred for life during the last forty years.   Remember most of the money for terrorism came from misguided or hateful people – and a lot from overseas like Mr Libya.  Maybe even from your country – victims are still waiting for apologies from many quarters.  Something to think about if anyone asks you do you to drink a hilarious cocktail called an ‘Irish car bomb’.  The Omagh bomb was only in 1998.   It’s not a fucking joke to many.   ‘Black and Tan’ is another one.  If you think that is being over-sensitive, then you are probably very far away from the reality.  Lucky you.

crazy old dudeDon’t fall for the ‘Greenface’ – meaning leprechaun jokes and imagery.   Same for hilarious mascots and stereotypes you see at sports games or elsewhere like on TV shows.  The view that Irish women are flame-haired temptress ‘colleens’ (ugh – like ‘Jewess’ that term seriously has to go away) has more to do with Maureen O’Hara than anyone else.  People from Scotland and some parts of Scandinavia are just as likely to be redheads.   These negative images of Irish people derive from nasty 19th century pro-Eugenics propaganda that ridiculed the Irish as the “white negro”.   They were meant to be degrading. So keep the shamrock-tattoo fakery silly hats to a minimum.  Or you must then to go to the max – like yer man here.  Work it – or leave it.

Do become familiar with Irish comedy and TV and films and music.  Know that faux-Celtic rock bands like Dropkick Murphys (who aren’t even Irish-Americans) and Flogging Molly are basically a joke in Ireland.  Nothing wrong with liking such music – just don’t assume Irish people do.  Modern Ireland has a greater reverence for American music, in fact. Hip-hop, soul, R&B and rockabilly (see Imelda-May) are very popular.  The film The Commitments summed up this feeling very much.   And of course there is – Van the man.

Do make some new friends!  Because Irish passport holders are universal – especially in these times of economic heartbreak – there is a strong chance that you might bump into an actual home-world Celt during celebrations.  Hopefully, it will be someone cute with an accent that turns you to jelly.   Or even something more!    Just relax and enjoy the craic.