Author’s note: Just a reminder that EN’s remarks are in plain text and MattBlerg/clarity’s re in bold.
The episode opens with a shot of Laurel and Jordan making out in the pool. “He’s sweet, he’s just a sweet person.” Oookay. Sure! Meanwhile, Bananas uses the word “canoodle” and talks shit with the others about Jordan.
Bananas should not say canoodle.
They show a clip from “Rivals II” of him smarmily telling Jonna, “I’m like the Great Gatsby. Mysterious.” Someone did their ninth-grade homework! Is it a coincidence that the man watching over the Challengers is named TJ? I don’t think so.
Confession: I completely forgot Jordan was on Rivals II.
When they get the clue, it’s implied they will have an eating challenge in the morning. We see Theresa telling Aneesa that Devyn back-stabbed her and talking about how mean she is. She says that it might be hard to send her home in this challenge. “I know she likes to eat things.” OOH SHADE.
Trivia and eating challenges are my favorite. Remember when they had to eat the durian and everyone puked all over the place?
Now, with the heavy edit making everyone think it’ll be about actual food, I am not at all surprised when they show up and there’s none to be found. It’s METAPHORICAL FOOD. The challenge is “Sausage Party.” It’s an individual challenge, and boy is it wacky. Everyone will be mummified in plastic wrap and then have to roll and wiggle their way through an obstacle course, occasionally encountering “condiments.” The finish line is a bun. This is weird, but at least they’re not SUSPENDED 100 FEET ABOVE WATER. The last three guys and girls will go into the draw.
Yes! Another individual challenge.
TJ begins wrapping the ladies, who will go first. “They even get your shoulders in, like a worm!” Jessica exclaims. The ol’ worm-shoulders, yep. I believe one of the main characteristics of the phylum Annelida is “plastic-wrapped bones.”
Listen, I’m not claustrophbic, but being wrapped up like that would drive me absolutely insane.
The horn blows and the women are off and…writhing. I don’t even know if there IS a strategy to be had for this Challenge but Laurel appears to be well in the lead to start. Cohutta says she’s moving “like she rolls around her house in one a these things.”
It’s weird that I want to try this right?
Cara Maria is right behind her, and at first this seems like a good “we’re in it together!” fit. As they are rolling through the tomato pit (god, I didn’t wake up this morning thinking I was going to use the phrase “tomato pit”), Laurel snaps at Cara for making her usual frustrated noises.
I love that Laurel told Cara Maria to calm down. I looked like both ladies had a sizeable lead on everyone else. Panic at this point would just ensure a closer game than necessary.
They finish neck-and-neck, with Laurel first. Jonna, Nany and Devyn are in the draw.
The men are up next. Leroy mentioned earlier that his overall strategy is to go into the draw every time, because his chances of going in end up being lower. His staying at the starting line displeases God TJ.
Did he even move? Did he even try to move? Can’t punk out unless you want to bear the wrath of God TJ. By the way, props to the producer who came up with this challenge. I think the goal for all the challenges should be go get the contestants to look as goofy as possible.
Jordan says that with Laurel winning and his male friends in the lead, he knows he won’t get voted in. “However, I bet they’ll vote the way I want them to,” he says. “I’ll go to the draw.”
This sounds like a poor decision.
Jonny ekes out the win and Preston, Leroy and Jordan are in the draw.
Back at the house, Laurel and Johnny talk about who they’d like to send in. It’s down to Theresa or Aneesa for Laurel, and Johnny wants Bananas. I think this is the famed draw where we see Jordan flipping over all the cards to get to him.
“Jordan’s major handicap isn’t his hand, it’s his pride,” philosopher-king CT says. He thinks that, whatever happens, it’s a win for him, and he’s right. Either way, the elimination is gonna be huge.
Yeah, ok hipster-bearded-vneck shirt-wearing CT can totally get it. Debating whether or not to twitter-stalk him.
But he is right.
I have to say, though, that I think Jordan’s going home. He talks a big game but hasn’t followed through. Bananas, while not the strongest guy in the house, is a proven winner.
I want Bananas to beat him so bad. Dude needs to be taken down a peg or six.
But before we get to all that, we’re going back to Urugay’s finest bar named after a Herman Melville work, barely beating out Bartleby’s, Moby Dick’s! Amid the debauchery, Aneesa pulls Laurel aside to pick her brain about the elimination.
Aneesa blows a lot of smoke up Laurel’s ass and tells her she’d throw in Jessica. Laurel has been humoring her, smiling and nodding and giggling.
Suddenly she gets stone-faced. “You’re a terrible salesman,” she says. DAMN. Aneesa deflates a little. “I wish we were the way I thought we were gonna be on this.” Laurel smirks. “Gotta let go of those expectations.” #BALLERASFUCK
Boom!
All Aneesa’s efforts are for naught, since she’s voted into the elimination along with Bananas. This is where I realize that some of the stuff we saw in past previews with Jordan and Laurel hasn’t come to pass yet (him angrily questioning her “ethics,”) and I know he’s going to take him out.
Ugh… I really wish Laurel would have stuck to her guns and voted in Theresa.
The problem with obsessively analyzing Challenge film is that you inadvertently spoil yourself a lot.
The problem with obsessively analyzing the Challenge is obsessively analyzing the Challenge.
The elimination tonight is Wrecking Wall, aka “The One Where You Punch the Wall to Climb.” As expected, Jordan flips all the cards to put himself in.
Have we only seen like 3 types of elimination challenges? Looper, Wrecking Wall and the football one?
Jonna flips the kill card to go in against Aneesa. I hope, and expect, since she’s already won this one once, that she will send Aneesa home tonight.
You gotta go with your gut on these things. This is at least the second week where we see a contestant pick the kill card because they changed their mind at the last second.
The women go first and to my genuine surprise, Jonna gets her ass handed to her. Not only does this give Aneesa some, in my opinion, hardly-deserved credibility, Jonna was probably one of the top three girls in the game.
Aneesa is not that athletic and I was totally expecting Jonna to win as well. Bigger doesn’t always mean stronger, but I guess Anessa had a little more weight behind her to punch holes faster.
Now it’s Jordan and Bananas turn. They start off fairly evenly matched and Bananas looks like he has a slight lead. THEN, Jordan loses his grip and FALLS. I did not see this coming! I spend too much time in my head– based on all the other stuff I thought this might be a CT-like annihilation.
#pridebeforethewall
Wow. Bananas rings the bell. I am a tornado of emotions. Nice work, MTV, for really fucking with my expectations. Should have gone with my gut.
Back at the house, Bananas tells Laurel he thinks that it’s…interesting…that Jordan just so happened to hook up with the strongest girl in the Challenge. What do you think, Clarity? Do you think it was all strategy?
Nah… I sat through that after show (hosted by one awful host, Johnny Mosely) and Jordan said they met before the show and he was “intrigued” by her then.
Next week it looks like Nany’s choices in makeout partners will be a plot point.
I AM EXCITE FOR THIS.
See y’all in a few days!
Image via MTV.
