It’s that time of year, when friends and family, many of whom might not be experienced imbibers, will be stopping by or having you over.
Sid helps you be a good host/guest with these time-tested, festive cocktail concoctions. Enjoy!
Mulled Cider
Ingredients:
- 1 gal unpasteurized apple cider
- 3 sticks cinnamon
- 1 tsp cloves
- ¼ cup brown sugar
- 1 twist of orange peel
- 1 tsp allspice
- 1 hole in the ground
Bury the gallon of cider in the hole in the ground, preferably in a bucolic, New England autumn setting.
Give the rest of that crap to someone to make a goddamn pie or some shit. We’re drinkin’ here.
Dig up the cider after a month or two. Serve in red plastic cups. Garnish with the dirt you didn’t quite get off the mouth of the plastic jug.
Old Saint Nick’s Nog with a Kick
Ingredients:
- 4/5ths qt Old Grand-Dad bourbon
- 1 doz eggs
- 1 cup heavy cream
- 3 tsp nutmeg
- 2 tsp vanilla
Whisk ten eggs and whatever bourbon you didn’t drink yet in a large bowl. Throw in any of the other ingredients that you actually have. (Note: you may substitute bourbon for any of the other ingredients, including eggs, if the store is closed or just too damn far.)
Serve in an old fashioned glass, pint glass, measuring cup, rusty ladle, what have you.
Throw remaining eggs at actual Old Grand-Dad when he starts in with the comments about “those people.”
Kir Royale with Trees
If you’re like me, you enjoy a little of the bubbly. If you are me, you enjoy a lot of the bubbly. But you don’t want to waste the good stuff on your miserable relatives and freeloading friends. A Kir Royale offers a refreshing way to adulterate your Malt Duck so no one knows the difference.
This twist on the old favorite named after the former Mayor of Dijon adds a touch of Kris Kringle color to enhance the holiday cheer and get you O Tannen-bombed.
Ingredients:
- 750ml “champagne”
- ¼ cup crème de cassis
- Cranberries
- 1 sprig mint
Pour the “champagne” into flutes, if you must, but preferably coupes. Add ½ jigger of crème de cassis. Garnish with one or three – never two – cranberries and a sprig of mint. It’s really about the red and green, so feel free to substitute grenadine, strawberries, raspberries or Clamato for the crème de cassis and parsley, lettuce or marijuana for the mint.
Christmas-tini
Ingredients:
- Plymouth gin
- Dolin Vermouth de Chambéry
Pour gin in a chilled cocktail glass. Sniff vermouth, drink gin. (If you prefer your Christmas-tinis less dry, you might try opening the vermouth before sniffing.)
Drop your trousers and yell, “What’re you lookin’ at? Can’t a guy celebrate Christmas in public anymore?”
Hot Buttered Rye
Ingredients:
- 1 pt Jim Beam (ri)1
- 2 pats butter
- 1 slice bread
You like butter? Toast the bread and butter it. I don’t care. Now, rye is for drinkin’. Serve in a jaunty flask hidden in an inside pocket when visiting that aunt who never serves a drink stronger than Fresca.
Remember to drink responsibly this and every holiday season. I know that whenever the cops show up at my grandmother’s house around the holidays, I’m almost certainly responsible.
