Val Patterson passed away on July 10th, but had the foresight to write his own obituary and he had a few things to get off his chest. His obituary is a model for how all future obituaries should be written.
We’ve all done things we regret and should have come clean about. For Val one of those things was a bit of burgling he did in 1971.
Now that I have gone to my reward, I have confessions and things I should now say. As it turns out, I AM the guy who stole the safe from the Motor View Drive Inn back in June, 1971. I could have left that unsaid, but I wanted to get it off my chest.
Some of us have been on the receiving end of a clerical error and never corrected it. Val received a PhD this way.
Also, I really am NOT a PhD. What happened was that the day I went to pay off my college student loan at the U of U, the girl working there put my receipt into the wrong stack, and two weeks later, a PhD diploma came in the mail. I didn’t even graduate, I only had about 3 years of college credit. In fact, I never did even learn what the letters “PhD” even stood for.
But as he notes, his work was always solid and he was always a ton of fun to be around. Though, maybe not if you were with him at a theme park.
To Disneyland – you can now throw away that “Banned for Life” file you have on me, I’m not a problem anymore – and SeaWorld San Diego, too, if you read this.
I’m sure Disneyland and SeaWorld are relieved. One less file. Though the National Park Service might have a longer memory.
Now to that really mean Park Ranger; after all, it was me that rolled those rocks into your geyser and ruined it. I did notice a few years later that you did get Old Faithful working again.
If everyone was this honest there would be fewer enduring mysteries and a bit more closure. Rest in peace Mr. Patterson.
Source: Legacy.com/AP
