This might end up being a very short post. I’m an old married lady, and it’s been a long-ass time since I was on a date.
Let’s see what I can remember.
Generally, a date involves two persons, right? If there are three or more, it’s less likely to be a date. Is “threesome” or “foursome” a date category? Could be, I suppose, but for the sake of the discussion, let’s say a proper date involves two people. Let’s call them Sally and Harry, since writing gender-free is very difficult and awkward. I tried, and got into all sorts of Person A and Person B nonsense with a lot of clunky they/their interspersed.
Note: all actions assigned to Harry could just as easily have been assigned to Sally.
- Are we agreed that it’s better if neither party to a date is already in a relationship with someone else?
- Determination of the State of Date isn’t helped by considering if there’s food involved or not. What social event doesn’t involve food? So, no help there.
- Is better-than-average effort being put into clothing? Probably a date, then.
- How did the social event under discussion come about? Did Harry phone Sally and say, “Hello, Sally. Would you like to have dinner with me on Saturday night? At Chez Swanko? Perhaps afterwards we can go to see RomCom du Jour. I’ll pick you up at 7.” Maybe Sally phoned Harry, that would work too. Either way, what you have here is a formal invitation to what looks to me very much like a date.
Let me say, at this point, that all date/not-date confusion could be resolved by Harry actually saying, “Hello, Sally. May I take you out on a date? Would you etc etc.” But that would mean assuming an ideal world, so, good luck with that.
- “So ya wanna hang out Saturday?” isn’t a date. Persons extending such an invitation thinking they’ve just asked someone out on a date need to think again.
- Are chivalrous acts happening? Did Harry open the car door for Sally to get in? Very likely a date.
- Did Harry bring flowers? Definitely a date.
- Is ‘casual contact’ happening? Touches on the shoulder, a hand briefly held? Date date date.
- Is either of them wearing a Bluetooth, or yapping on their cellphone? Not so date-y.
- Is either party talking endlessly about old romances and relationships? Such behaviour is date-minus.
- When the cheque comes, does Harry quietly hand the waiter a credit card and smilingly shake off Sally’s offer to pay their half? A date.
Do you concur with these definitions? Do you have stories to tell us about dates or maybe-it-wasn’t-a-date? First date stories? Last dates? ‘Well I thought it was a date but apparently not’? Do please share.
Top: a good choice of venue for a date. Below: a poor choice of venue for a date.
