As head of the yearbook committee, I have compiled the votes for our “best of’s” in the class of 1980s. It was a memorable ten years that have taught us much.
They taught us how to party serious, screw with abandon, or not, because we’ve learned it’s also okay to be a virgin. We have learned that it doesn’t matter what side of the tracks you come from, deep inside, we all want the same things. We have fought to dance and not turn out like our parents. We have nearly been killed by masked drowned psychos that have come back to life, our dreams have been haunted by disfigured pedophiles and we have been saved by a famous superhero. We have been chased by neo maxi zoom dweebies and thrift store wearing loners, that turned out to be not so bad after all. Our hearts have been broken by rich preppy guys and insecure, popular girls. So much has happened in these ten years, it’s hard to remember it all.
Class Clowns
John Winger, Stripes & Judy Benjamin, Private Benjamin
What is it with Army misfits that makes them so hilarious?
Most Talented
The Kidd, Purple Rain
His soundtrack did sell 20 million copies worldwide after all.
Most Inspiring Transformation
Allison Reynolds, The Breakfast Club
She walks into detention as a Captain Crunch and sugar sandwich eating basket-case. Claire takes a brush to her hair and adds a little make-up to her face and voila! Allison is transformed and nabs the sensitive jock.
Biggest Bad Ass
Ripley, Aliens
Two-time last woman standing, this woman knows how to kick some alien ass. Mostly.
Most likely to stay in Friend Zone
Duckie Dale, Pretty In Pink
He serenaded, well lip sank, Try a Little Tenderness, in the ultimate display of romance to his unrequited love Andie. Sadly Duckie will forever remain in the friend zone. He’s just too available and too safe.
Creepiest
John Ryder, The Hitcher
This guy just keeps showing up, you can’t escape him. When will the horror end!
Most Beautiful
Elvira Hancock-Montana, Scarface
Drug addicted, but gorgeous.
Biggest Jerk
Chett Donnelly, Weird Science
This relentless bully tormented his brother’s drunk friend with “a nice greasy pork sandwich served in a dirty ashtray.” However, turning him into a big steaming pile of poo was an excellent retaliation.
Biggest Mean Girl
Marquise de Merteuil, Dangerous Liaisons
Her mean girl motives are hidden behind a facade of a virtuous woman. She will avenge anyone who wronged her in the past. In other words, don’t fuck with this lady.
Best Body
Julian Kaye, American Gigilo & Annie Savoy, Bull Durham
His ass and her legendary EVERYTHING! That’s all.
Most Misunderstood
Beth Jarrett, Ordinary People
She wasn’t the cold, distant mother that those who first meet her assume her to be. Tragedy has forced her to repress her worry and sadness. All she wanted to do was restore her family to the way it was.
Best Villian
The Joker, Batman
Hilariously psychotic.
Most Likely to Succeed
Everyone from The Big Chill, except maybe Nick.
These baby boomers who protested in the name of peace and love in the sixties, built their fortunes in the eighties and now fight to keep their tax breaks and loopholes in order to keep their standing as the one percent.
Prom King
Jake Ryan, Sixteen Candles
Hot and nice. A rare combo in an eighties flick.
Prom Queen
Shelby Eatenton Latcherie, Steel Magnolias
The perfect Southern Belle. Sweet, feisty and then she (spoiler alert) dies.
Top photo: Flickr
