1) The iPad 3 still won’t caress my back ever so tenderly before I fall asleep.
2) The iPad 3 still can’t make full meals appear out of thin air, requiring me to cook my dinner and that is God damn unacceptable in this day and age.
3) The iPad 3 still won’t print money, and I like money.
4) The iPad 3 still can’t access SkyNet.
5) The iPad 3 still won’t have a port to stick my throbbing hard Apple Products boner into when I leave the store.
iPad 3… Not even once.
