When the gworls enter the workroom, they read Alisa’s parting message on the mirror, and Jiggly says she feels as if she has a target on her back. Latrice tells LaShauwn that most of the gworls expected her to win the last challenge, and LaShauwn knows her shyness/lack of confidence is holding her back. Foreshadowing! Hit the jump to see what went down on Episode 2.
You’ve Got She Mail.
“I’ve come to pump you up, and I don’t mean your lips,” Ru says. Chad Michaels knowingly touches her own puffy lips. Ru makes several allusions to big muscles and fighting so even if you missed the promos for this episode, you know it’s going to be about wrestling.
Mini Challenge
Ru enters and explains that, as the gworls know, padding is essential in drag. The mini challenge: “I want you to make an ass of yourself. Literally!” The pit crew enters with all kinds of padding for the ladies to use. They are split into three teams and have thirty minutes to make the best booty possible. There are packing peanuts, all kinds of foam blocks and egg-crate looking sheets of material. Jiggly uses mostly packing peanuts and looks a mess. Ru says she’s “serving cellulite realness.” Madame La Queer’s pants rip and fall down. Good grief. Phi Phi O’Hara, Willam and Chad Michaels win the mini challenge, which means they will be team captains for the main challenge.
Main Challenge
Ru explains that the main challenge will be wrestling. The captains pick their teams, and they are:
Phi Phi O’Hara, LaShauwn Beyond, Latrice Royale and Kenya Michaels
Willam, DiDa Ritz, Jiggly Caliente and The Princess
Chad Michaels, Milan, Sharon Needles and Madame La Queer
“I am a big bitch. Who is gonna out-wrestle me? Nobody!” Latrice says. Truth. Madame La Queer is the last one picked, and nobody likes to be the last one picked, whether it’s for elementary school kickball or drag queen wrestling. But! Could these bitches have possibly made a mistake in underestimating Ms. La Queer? Foreshadowing!
Ru tells the gworls that each team must have two heroines (the “faces”) and two villains (the “heels”). Madame LaQueer brings up her sprained ankle. Will she be able to do this? Willam is looking forward to turning the tables since the roles she generally gets as an actor involve her being beaten up.
During wrestling practice, Latrice tosses Kenya around like a shrimp tempura, but LaShauwn is having trouble getting into the mood, saying that her personality is quiet and soft. Jiggly does a lot of aggressive, ghetto posturing, while The Princess is the soft-spoken one of that group. “Princess is giving closed captioning, while she’s in stereo,” says Willam. When Chad Michaels’ group is up, Madame La Queer’s ankle comes up again, but she manages to get through the training and learn her moves, despite her teammates worrying that she can’t do it.
Ru visits the gworls in the workroom, and it’s not looking good for Phi Phi’s team. Their story and characters need work, and LaShauwn is having trouble bringing the wrestling fierceness. Willam’s team seems more together, both in terms of outfits and characters. RuPaul announces that the guest judges will be NBA doods Rick Fox and John Salley. Whut? Even though it seems a little bizarre, I think it’s awesome that a couple of guys from the macho (and frequently homophobic) world of pro sports took a guest judge gig on RuPaul’s Motherfucking Drag Race!
The main challenge takes place in the wrestling ring, and there are cheering fans surrounding it. Are they actors? Did they just invite people in off the street? I want to be in the audience of a Drag Race main challenge! Come film in New York, Ru!
Team Phi Phi is up first. Phi Phi and LaShauwn are just okay as the heroines. LaShauwn is the biggest non-presence. Latrice and Kenya are amazing as the villains–truly the only thing keeping this from being awful. It’s nice to see Kenya really shine this week after her poor showing last week–she’s quite a character. Latrice makes good on her word and really brings it as a big badass in the ring. Pint-sized Kenya makes a good wrestling rag doll.
Team Willam is up next. Willam, DiDa and Jiggly are fairly entertaining, but The Princess really fades into the background. I loved Willam’s “plus-sized Jujubee” line at Jiggly. Extra points for referencing past RPDR competitors. Jiggly does go a bit too over-the-top, but I definitely got the sense that she was trying to compensate for The Princess’s lack of enthusiasm.
Team Chad is last. These bitches are on fire. It’s telling that Chad is the only team leader who decided to be a villain, and why wouldn’t she? It’s more fun! Also, Sharon plays against type as a heroine. She and Milan are very funny as the heroines in the opener, but Chad and Madame La Queer really steal the show as the villains. We got to see a little of La Queer’s vamping during the main stage performance last week, but she really pulled out all the stops this week, and Chad hits the nail on the head with her performance as a wrestling villain.
Main Stage
Billy B. is here for the first time this season, and Santino is gone. Michelle Visage is there of course, and so are the two NBA hotties. Ru says the gworls were instructed to walk the runway in their best girly girl attire.
Kenya Michaels: She looks very Lil’ Kim/Nicki Minaj. I love it.
LaShauwn Beyond: Her gum ball couture is kind of fun but also kind of cheap looking. This probably will not cut it.
Sharon Needles: She can do femme no problem! Michelle Visage calls her a “lost Arquette sister.”
Jiggly Caliente: I feel like Ru read my mind when she makes reference to a quinceañera. Do not want.
Milan: I’m not so into her see-through nightie, but her hair and makeup are on point.
Madame La Queer: The hair and makeup are well done, and the dress is cute. I am starting to come around on this bitch–she’s funny and cleans up nicely.
DiDa Ritz: No. Just no. She’s wearing that ratty fright wig that she arrived in, and her outfit is horrible. She looks like a straight guy who decided that drag was the easiest possible last-minute Halloween costume.
Chad Michaels: She looks kind of like Paris Hilton, as Ru points out. Well done, but sort of middle of the pack.
The Princess: She’s selling 80s, and I’m buying it.
Phi Phi O’Hara: Ugh. I think she looks tacky, and I hate this bitch’s makeup. Who taught her to beat her face? Ru calls her look “telenovela realness.” That would be an improvement actually.
Latrice Royale: She looks great. The outfit, hair and makeup are on point. Well done, if also a bit safe.
Willam: Billy B. says, “Toddlers and Tiaras: Where are they now?” Ru refers to the look as Tanya Tucker, and that’s definitely the vibe I got. Very girly, but with a bit of a country midwest spin on it. Nice.
RuPaul’s Best Main Stage One Liner: (about LaShauwn Beyond) “I’d like to stick a quarter in her slot.”
Ru announces that Chad Michaels’ team wins the challenge, and that Ms. Michaels and Ms. La Queer are the winners within the winning team. Well done, ladies!
During critiques, The Princess tells the judges, “That was me really trying.” Michelle Visage shoots back, “Try harder.” Amen, Michelle. Billy B. criticizes Phi Phi’s makeup, and thank god for that. He says it reads old, which…okay, I can see what he’s saying. She just wears way, way too much, doesn’t blend it well and goes way overboard on the eyes. Is she a drag queen or an over-the-hill hair band lead singer? Rick Fox likes Latrice, and the other judges have only good things to say about her as well. Go, Latrice! About DiDa Ritz, Rick Fox says: “She was going for Sex and the City, and it was more like Sex in an Alley.” Preach!
Lip-Synch for Your Life
Lashauwn Beyond and The Princess are named the bottom two queens and must lip-synch some Donna Summer if they hope to compete another week. LaShauwn kicks off her shoes before the song even gets going, a move which Willam tells us is a big no-no. Frankly both performances are a little lackluster, but The Princess actually seems connected to the song while LaShauwn just sort of does the same couple moves over and over again. Shantay, The Princess stays. LaShauwn Beyond sashays away.
Untucked
Sharon receives a sweet video messasge from her boyfriend back home. Chad Michaels opens up about the black market silicone injections she got in her cheeks and lips, and I feel bad now about making fun of her appearance. Sharon’s pissed at Jiggly for saying that it’s “disgusting” to date another performer (Sharon’s boyfriend is a drag queen also), but Chad gently tries to remind Sharon that maybe Jiggly has never even been in love or had anyone special in her life. Chad stresses that people should keep in mind what others are feeling. Chad, you are wise.
When the gworls are all together, Sharon confronts Jiggly, and that’s just one moment in what becomes a bit of a pileup on Miss Jiggly Caliente. Phi Phi of course leads the charge. One minute Phi Phi shrieks in Jiggly’s face about how she can’t use her weight a handicap! And she can’t use her mother’s death as an excuse! Phi Phi has been through it all, Jiggly, so stop your whining, you fat slag! Then a minute later she tells Jiggly that they are besties and she can cry on her shoulder any old time! Phi Phi, you are an asshole.
Latrice talks very frankly with Jiggly about her own experience losing her mother, and what it was like to have to start from nothing and build herself back up when she was released from prison. Latrice is genuinely trying to impart a lesson, to show Jiggly the way, whereas Phi Phi just screamed at Jiggly, treated her like a punching bag. Latrice, I really love everything you are bringing to this competition. Latrice and Chad represent a level of maturity that we haven’t really seen on Drag Race, and I hope those bitches stick around a long while.
Who has the most C.U.N.T. and who is just a C U Next Tuesday?
Charisma: Madame La Queer, who proved she could bring a memorable character to life in the wrestling ring as well as (if not better than) any other competitor
Uniqueness: Chad Michaels, who–as I pointed out above–was the only team captain to take on the role of villain (and truly knocked it out of the park)
Nerve: Sharon Needles, who successfully stepped out of her comfort zone, proving she was capable of doing girly girl drag
Talent: Kenya Michaels, whose transition from rabid she-beast in the wrestling ring to sexy Lil’ Kim living doll look-alike on the main stage was dizzying. This bitch has some skills.
C U Next Tuesday: Phi Phi O’Hara. Again. She’s just nasty, and like most nasty, viciously critical people who think a lot of themselves, she doesn’t actually have the goods to back up her assertions. I have a feeling she’s going to be in this category most of the season. Until she sashays away.
