This week, Ke$ha walks out on the runway and starts pimping the designer’s next client. Famous Fashionista. Turns Heads. She has worn Burberry and Prada. Is it Madonna? Is it J-Lo? Who? Who is she? It’s none other than Miss Piggy!
In shock and surprise, Austin’s moustachio falls off. Miss Sugarbaker’s mouth forms a round capital “O” and simply will not close. Jerrell loses another pound. Michael The Victim squeals quietly, then re-thinks his reaction.
One small detail before Ke$ha passes out at 10 am — the designers have the rest of the day to complete their design, and their models will walk the next morning. This is not a lot of time to design, shop, sew and finish a garment. As always, there are spoilers inside, so please, think of the children before reading on.
A quick trip to the workroom to sketch an idea, and Kenley’s nostrils make a “wah wah wah wah” noise — no one knows what she’s saying. In no time at all, we’re headed to Mood and Gordon tells us in a serious Teutonic tone that pink is a happy color. Yes. Happy. Like being let out of a dungeon for one day in the Spring.
In no time at all we’re back in the workroom, where Mondo and Kara claim the pink gloves at the same time. It’s the lowest-energy bitch fight in the entire history of Project Runway. Whiiinge. Whiiiiine. OK, you take the gloves. Game over.
Tabatha rockets into the workroom in a beautiful print shirt, looking better than any of the designers. Skipping over the boring people, Austin tells Tabatha he is the most like this week’s client since he’s faaaabulous and likes to throw in a French phase now and again. Before she gets mired in the muck, Tabatha rockets out again, and she won’t be seen any more in this episode.
We are treated to an overnight low-energy group cuddle at the loft, then it’s time to head back to the workroom. A snip here, a tuck there, and the hangers walk in. Now Kara’s got to deal with Austin since he mopped her accessories from the Nieman Marcus wall. The pink gloves, the shoes, the pearl necklace. Again, it’s a very low-energy confrontation. Sigh, whine, whinge, okay, whatever. Once again into the bleach at the L’Oreal Paris Tresemme Ooh La La hair and makeup world and all we get is a couple profile shots of Makeup Bear. Oh, Makeup Bear! We need more! Oh well. Okay.
At the runway, Ke$ha slouches and tells the designers that Isaac won’t be a judge this week, so we’ve got Georgina Chapman, stylist Eric Daman and Miss Piggy. Eric Daman. He’s sort of adorable in an overly made-up and plucked and primped way, isn’t he? Austin sparkles at him, as bright as he can. Maybe there’s a love connection there. Meanwhile, a janitor sweeps Ke$ha off the runway so the hangers can show us the sewtestants’ creations.
The Victim is up first, and while his fascinator headgear is right on trend, the Christmas wrapping paper fabric he chose for his dress is a little cha-cha, no? Here comes April with a forgettable little black dress. Nice marabou feathers at the shoulder, but that’s not red carpet. Jerrell runs a poorly fitted honeysuckle pink and sheer black number at us. It’s gapping and puckering all over the joint. NG. (That stands for Not Good.) Kara is giving us Executive Realness in a black high waisted skirt and bandeau with opera-length hot pink gloves. Swing and a miss, totally not right for this challenge. Kenley’s pink giraffe dress has princess seams, lots of tulle, a shower scrubby headgear piece and some very uncomfortable looking breastplates over the chestal area. Was she trying to make ears?
Miss Sugarbaker shows us a sheer stripe black dress with some random purple feathers up on ter it. Why? Was he bored with the basic black dress? Too bad, it had a lot of interest on its own. Muscly dreamboy Rami gives us frothy Dulcelandia in a pink and orange polkadot dress and a frou frou feathered headpiece. Now we get to see Mila’s “mod” creation – a black and white colorblocked (you didn’t think I was going to catch that, did you?) frock. Nicely made, but not appropriate for this challenge. The best part of that outfit was the styling of the hanger’s hair, which was gorge. Gordon’s sad little nightgown flumped down the runway, and even the white evening gloves were slumped down. Austin’s dark gray and dark fuschia… minidress? Was very slinky, with the exception of the big pink bows on the hips. Very swing and a miss, Austin. Wrong colors, wrong silhouette and the bows are just a no.
The insanity of Mondo gives us an early sixties Baltimore poufy do (with a bow! ack!) and some chunky wedgie heels and a shiny dark honeysuckle fabric with a busy, busy print. A workroom with Tim Gunn would have never, ever allowed this to hit the runway. Never.
There is some fun banter during the judges’ review. During the review of Rami’s Fiesta Explosion, Eric Daman (who is a very fast talker!) says it is giving Paris Hog Couture, and there’s some business with Miss Piggy as she takes offense at his words. There’s even a wonderful HIEEE-YA! from Miss Piggy.
The results are fairly predictable. Rami takes second, Kenley takes third and The Victim takes the win. Austin is third from the bottom, Mila is second and Gordon is out. Back to the bleak, gray, cloudy day of Gordon-landia.
Next week? The designers had better find some Bolivian Marching Powder or at least a Dexatrim (you know Miss Sugarbaker has a few of those secreted about her person) because the sewtestants will only have six hours to complete their garments before sending them down the runway.
