Is it that time again?
Big applause for Herman Cain. Michigan approves of job-creators!
A dollar must be a dollar. Deep.
STOP YELLING CRAMER. Jesus. You have a microphone, dick.
Just because
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FP3YyJz3HsU
“I don’t think you’ll find someone who has more of those attributes than I do.” lolwhut
That’s right, Mittens: The Bush Administration never made any decisions about Iraq or Afghanistan because of politics.
“If you are too big to fail, you are too big”? So should the government step in Ricky?
Sidenote: BR and GI are much better at this than I am. PROPS DUDES
The problem is that multi-national corporations can’t be profitable in the US. OK.
HERE IT IS SOUL PIZZA
“Character issues” Not flaws. Issues.
“I value my integrity.” Except for when he denied knowing anything about accusations, or settlements. Then he valued his ass.
“Voting with their dollars” No.
I feel like these people are hate-applauding Huntsman.
Mittens translation: “Because Obama is a commie socialist”
I didn’t think it would be possible for a presidential candidate to sound stupid-er than Dubya. Congratulations Ricky! You done it.
Every time Jim Cramer speaks my eardrums seek refuge.
Mittens really looks like he just got food poisoning or something.
“The Obama Economy,” Mitt? Damn Obama, screwing shit up before he was elected!
THE POORS NEED TO PAY!
I need a drink.
Ooo, Grandpa started throwing out jargon. For those of you farther away from Econ 1 than me, M1: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Money_supply#Empirical_measures
Commercial break! Sweet relief.
Sorry guys, I had to switch my laundry. We’re back, and from what I gather, we’re blaming poor people.
Deregulation! Drink!
Soul Pizza translation: “I hadn’t gotten that far yet.”
Princess Nancy? OK.
Please welcome your new host Knight of the Burning River!
9:00 Ha! Apparently I wasn’t logged in, even. Sorry about the delay, gang. So, I heard a great joke on the way in: Herman Cain walks into a strip club, and upon finding out the cost of a lap dance says ‘Ha! If I want to pay a lady to feel her up, I’ll go back to the NRA!’ Fine, I’m a dick.
9:02- And my first entry is courtesy of ol’ Ricky Santorum. ‘I was ahead of everything! I knew about Jerry Sandusky at Penn State when I was a senator in PA. Wait, shit!’
9:03- Here’s the problem with ‘choice’ in the health care debate. In the market for most goods, people have a choice-buy something, or go with out. In health care, go without ultimately results in ‘death’. Not really the same thing as choosing a gas supplier.
9:06- Oh CNBC, teasing me with talk of debt solutions after the break. So sexy, all the time.
9:08- I feel like if you come in to pinch hit, you should get a killer intro song:
9:11- After 10 of these, I feel like we know the candidates better than the average Republican voter…This is presented without comment.
9:12- Dude, you can’t set up a question by presenting the statement after you’ve let the question be asked.
9:14- Governer Romney, you showed you could work with Democrats, you fucking traitor. Romney wants people to know that he HAD to rollover for those pinko bastards.
9:15- ‘Job creators’-shove a heroin needle through your taint! Seriously, it’s like the 10th debate, we need to raise our game up.
9:16- Christ sakes, Perry can’t even name 3 federal agencies. He’s actually getting worse at this. As was said in an article I read a while back ‘For those who found W. a little too intellectual, I give you Rick Perry’.
9:18- Okay, this ‘9-9-9-‘ shit has moved to “You know you’re a redneck’ territory. Same audience and all.
9:19- Jesus, Newt, you’re going to go back 40 years just to hit another Democratic president? What, couldn’t find a Carter dig lying around?
9:22- We can’t pass massive debts onto future generations, but, leaving them in the streets in their golden years? Totally on the table!
9:24- Blindly cutting 10% of the federal workforce? That’s the Mittens of Bain Capital fame, sluts!
9:24- Wait, so now these guys opposed a tax cut? I think for fun I want to see Obama propose a national anti-abortion law, just to watch these fuckers turn themselves inside out to denounce it.
9:25- If this were a Little League game, Huntsman would be the kid who’s just yanking on the coach’s arm for a chance to go out and dive in front of a pitch.
9:26- Max Van Raapahoorst? Yeah, that kid doesn’t have any student loans.
9:27- How does uncle Ron think people are paying for cell phones and computers? Straight cash, homey?
9:29- Of course Newt is worried about a student loan bailout, that money would go to regular people, some of them *gasp*…BROWN! Vapors! Oh, the vapors!
9:31- They asked Rick Perry to rattle off programs by name. They’re just fucking with him now.
9:32- ‘Who’s going to stand up for these young people?’ I wholly expected Perry to say ‘Not me!’ Of course they don’t want the federal government putting loans out there, there’s money that banks could be making there!
9:41- Jon Huntsman, I know you mean well, but nobody has an answer for China. Nobody on that stage at least.
9:43- Well, I don’t disagree with Mittens that China is doing all kinds of things to take jobs away from us, but to act like our own US based and owned corporations don’t have any culpability is pretty disingenuous.
9:44- Someone should tell Michelle that I haven’t heard ‘in-hock’ since the last time I played Monopoly with my parents, twenty years ago.
9:45- Fucking Cramer. Should I be buying or selling Herman Cain, Jim? Wait, that sounded wrong…
9:46- Hmm, why doesn’t Dodd-Frank provide any oversight? Let me guess…
9:48- ‘Pass legislation until the world looks level’. I thought ‘The world is flat’ was one of Perry’s platforms.
9:49- Okay, I know some folks love Ron Paul, but does he really think that unregulated capitalism with no government oversight won’t cause even more problems than crony capitalism? I’d kill to be this crazy.
What, we’re pulling a Palin? It’s not even 10PM yet! Making fun of Palin doesn’t even feel fun anymore. Sidebar: Can you imagine if that sociopath entered the race? How much fun would that be? Sorry for getting a little serious for the last 15 minutes or so. I went full Rick Perry and completely lost my fastball at the end there.
I’d love to say ‘so-and-so totally won tonight’, but I honestly don’t even feel like any of these guys is remotely viable. Romney held ground, which is about all he has to do anymore. Perry is proving to be just too god-blessedly stupid at this point. It seems like the crazy, anti-government wing of the party is aligning behind Cain and away from Perry. So, it will be a stark choice at this rate, but it seems like Cain just isn’t quite going away, which says way too much about us as a people.
