I had some down time between watching World Cup gymnastics and the Bears game, so I did some channel surfing. When I got into the 200’s, I found OWN, the Oprah Winfrey Network. Now, this is a different network from Oxygen, the “O” network she launched a few years ago. Programming on Oxygen is sort of a rag-tag affair of “Bad Girls” shows, reality / competition shows, and infomercials.
Reviewing what was available on OWN, it appears that channel offers life lessons for the self-aware lady. The majority of programs available on OWN are “special report” shows hosted by Lisa Ling interspersed with “life lessons” shows hosted by Oprah. I hunkered down with some salty snacks and devoted an hour to attending the Church Of Oprah. Here’s what I got from an episode of Oprah Church about letting go of anger.
The setup: In 2005, Oprah’s friend Terry McMillan (you might have heard of one of her books, “Waiting to Exhale” or maybe “How Stella Got Her Groove Back”) came on The Oprah Show and she brought along her gay ex-husband. Miss Terry was F to the U to the RIOUS with this guy, and rightfully so. Two years into the marriage, he decides that he’s got to find out what being with guys is like, and he starts fooling around with men on the side. A few years after that, he decides to come out to her, they file for divorce, and it goes sour. She’s a successful author and has a lot of money. He’s a knob-head with nothing. Even though they had a prenuptial agreement, even though his infidelity caused the marriage to end, he sued her for spousal support, like the nitwit that he is.
Fast forward to a 2010 episode of the Oprah Show, and Miss Terry and her gay ex-husband are back on to talk about their situation. Miss Terry reports that after their previous appearance in 2005, there was plenty more legal drama, she just got more mad as time went on, and the suing and counter-suing spiraled out of control. Miss Terry said that for three years, she lived in a very dark place, where no happiness could be found. One day, she had an A-HA moment: she told herself to let the whole thing go, stop trying to punish her ex-husband for his betrayal, to get everything settled so she could move on with her life and be happy again. For her own peace of mind, she learned to forgive her ex-husband.
Oprah summed this up with an aphorism which gave me my own A-HA moment. She said, “letting go of anger means giving up hope that things in the past can or will be changed. Whatever happened, happened, and there is nothing you can do to change what happened. Accept what happened, accept that it is in the past, accept that there is no hope of going back and changing what happened, and move forward with your life.”
I was so intrigued by this idea, I stayed up half the night thinking about it. What if I had made different choices? What would my life be like today?
The answer is, if I had not made the choices I did, I would not be where I am now. For better or worse, I would not be the person I am today, and there’s no way of knowing if, having made different choices, I would be happier than I am now. There’s no use in regretting things I did or did not do, because (a) there’s no way to go back in time and change those actions and (b) where I am now is the culmination of all those actions and choices. Recognizing this definitely made me a happier person. No matter if I question my choices or someone else does, the answer is the same: choices were made and the consequences and rewards of those choices are my current situation.
To my surprise, I got some value out of the Church of Oprah. I’m not sure if I’ll tune in for another sermon, but I will say this: the one I attended was worth the price of admission.
