This is my niece, Rosie. She is a St. Bernard. She is wearing a monkey costume.
You see, there is a Halloween costume contest at her day care. Yes, doggy day care. And my sister wants to win this year. I said it seems kind of silly to put all this time and effort into dressing up dogs. You don’t understand, she said. This is doggy day care. This is cutthroat.
Last year, Rosie was a ladybug. And she didn’t win. My sister says one lady cheated last year by promoting her ‘fucking cocker spaniel’ on her personal Facebook page and directing people to the website of the doggy day car to vote for her ‘ugly fucking cocker spaniel’. My sister considers this cheating, because her St. Bernards are way cuter than ‘that fucking piece of shit spoiled cocker spaniel.’
The monkey costume is not the end of the dog torture. My poor nephew, Bubba, who is also a St. Bernard, is going as a cheeseburger. My sister is considering a french fry hat for Bubba, so that he will ‘totally kick ass.’
Bubba was a rescue. “Hasn’t he been through enough?” I asked.
Rest assured I will not be dressing up my cats for Halloween. However, I am not completely sane: Santa Kitty, who travels with Santa Claus and brings prizes to all the good kitties all over the world comes on Christmas Day, and leaves presents for my furry ones.
