So a little thing called the Emmys happened on Sunday night. There were scary moments, shameful things, a little fun, and Amy Poehler setting the awesome bar way high. Also, in other parts of Hollywood, Nic Cage writhes in a coffin; shows about fathers are getting help from a famous Dogg; Hollywood should just say what they mean; Television success can be had, one channel proves it, and how do you pronounce Versace? Is it really Ver-sassseee?
Something Happened in Hollywood Didn’t It?: Well, I dunno. Maybe there was an award show of some sort that happened, right? No, really, there were a few big winners (HBO) at Sunday night’s Emmys (HBO). The award leaders were HBO (19), PBS (14), CBS (11), and Fox (9). HA! NBC sucks. Always. The live telecast was a pretty tame affair with a few standout moments. According to Deadline’s rundown, some of the highlights included Jane Lynch’s hosting duties, especially her opening number, the Jersey Shore skit, and one sensational zinger that took a shot at the entire cast of Entourage. Which, really? Entourage? Fish meet barrel. On the award front, Melissa McCarthy’s Mike and Molly win, which was delivered beauty pageant style complete with tiara and bouquet of roses, was another hit. McCarthy says it was all Amy Poehler’s idea (naturally), yet it wasn’t a forgone conclusion it would actually happen. McCarthy notes that when Poehler got up and went onstage (awesomely), she knew they were all really going to do it. And they did to a standing ovation. YAY! for funny ladies, right? This is in no way representative of what we’ll call The Bridesmaids Effect? (Totally representative of the The Bridesmaids effect. Right after McCarthy’s win, Fox advertised the DVD during the commercial break.) Universal is also heavily considering putting McCarthy’s name in for Best Supporting Actress Oscar contention.
Other great moments were Margo Martindale’s gracious acceptance after winning Best Supporting Actress in a drama for her work on Justified and Peter Dinklage’s winking speech after his Best Supporting Actor Game of Thrones win, wherein he thanked his dog sitter. There were also a few shocks. Kyle Chandler’s Best Actor in a Drama Series win for Friday Night Lights was among them, as well as Barry Pepper’s win for his role as Bobby Kennedy in the widely panned The Kennedy’s mini-series (Idris Elba was robbed!).
Some of the lowlights of the evening involved either things we’ve seen too many times, or things we’d never like to see again. Charlie Sheen’s odd appearance as presenter is on that list. (Do you do a tasteless joke about your ousting from Two and a Half Men, or do you make an awkward appearance and not do the obligatory joke so then the audience wonders what the hell you’re doing there? He picked the latter.) The weird mouth-diarrhea voiceover as every winner took the stage, this annoyed many. The strange buzzing sound that was probably Tom Cruise attempting to summon Katie Holmes back to the mothership. The repeated appearance of the Emmy Tones singers. (Joel McHale? They had no other use for you…say perhaps as a nominee? *sigh.*) The category clogging wins by The Amazing Race and the Daily Show making it their ninth win (I love the Daily Show, but even I would love a new winner in this category…perhaps Stephen Colbert?), Lonely Island and Michael Bolton crashing the Emmys, (They did crash the Emmys, right? That pirate nonsense wasn’t planned by the producers was it?), and lastly fog. Yes, fog during the In Memoriam portion. This isn’t Phantom of the Opera, guys. The fog made it a Vincent Price moment. No one needed that. So that’s it. This was the Emmys in a nut shell…well, that and a lack of Alec Baldwin because Newscorp can’t take a joke. Here’s the complete list of winners. [Deadline]
Proof Nicolas Cage is a Member of the Undead: I’m not totally sure this was ever a question. I’m thinking this dude has definitely always been part of the walking dead. Aside from the most Dracula hair ever, there is just something inherently waxen and Nosferatu-like about Nicolas Cage. Perhaps it’s the hard partying, the mood swings, penchant for leather, and the amount of movies he’s made in the last ninety years. Seriously, name a year when there hasn’t been a Nic Cage movie. Well, now all has been brought to light. A Seattle man has come across a photo from the 1870’s that depicts Cage in an earlier form. Obviously he’s there sitting stoically thinking about the millennia he’s lived, and what his life as an actor in the next millennia will be. Did he foresee Moonstruck? Probably. What about Leaving Las Vegas? Absolutely. He probably never predicted The Wicker Man, but that’s what you get when you stray too close to the occult…you get burned. And well, Vampire’s Kiss…c’mon that was all in fun. Just a little something for the vamps at home. So, Nic Cage you’ve been outed as a bloodsucking, long-living, crazy, narcissistic, undead monster. And we just thought Ghost Rider was an insanely bad idea. [THR]
Murder Was the Case They Gave Him…Laugh Track!: Snoop Dogg, you know “Sippin on Gin and Juice” Snoop Dogg? Warner Bros. TV is shopping around a multi-camera sitcom which stars the rapper and sometimes Katy Perry collaborator as a father. Apparently, it’s the natural progression of a hard core rapper loosely connected to the gangster rap craze of the 1990’s to now want to try on his Charlie Sheen shoes. This is just how the world works now. In your youth you team with the biggest, baddest record label in existence and then in your later years, or perhaps even in your retirement, you make videos with some candy-titted, pink-haired screech nymph, and then you make the laugh bubbles happen with a sitcom of your very own. We can just imagine the terrific names they’re probably thinking of…Snoop’s Dogg House, or Daddy Dogg Care, or Chronic! My Dad Says! We’re hoping this gets on the air. We really just want to see the zany situations Snoop gets himself into. Oh, yes, those PTA meeting scenes will be awesome! No. [Deadline]
The Burbs! Yeah, but with Vince Vaughn and Ben Stiller: Hey, Will Forte, MacGruber, will join Ben Stiller and Vince Vaughn in Neighborhood Watch a movie about a group of concerned neighbors who form a neighborhood watch group only to uncover a bigger conspiracy. Forte will play a character named Sergeant Bressman. That doesn’t sound familiar at all! No, it doesn’t sound one lick like The Burbs starring Tom Hanks about a guy and his neighbors who form some sort of group after they grow concerned about the activities of another neighbor that turn out to be worse than anyone imagined. No, of course it doesn’t sound like that. Hollywood would never just recycle a movie trope and instead of calling it The Burbs, or Tract Home, The Winnebago, or My Favorite Riding Mower…it’s way more convenient to call it Neighborhood Watch. There’s no way we’ll ever get it. We’re so dumb us people. We have no idea if we’ve seen something before. In fact we look forward to watching the same movies over and over again with just different titles. For instance, I’m going to watch this movie about a group of people who like to dream, and when they do they dream on several levels so it’s almost like an altered state of reality. But more surreal so they think. A stupid, boring, surreal reality. There will be a lot of slo-mo, maybe some interwoven story about a complicated relationship. Maybe the Juno girl shows up. Yeah, I’m going to see that movie. It has a new title though. It’s called Crap. [THR]
The USA Network Really Thinks You Like TV: Cable television dominance. Yes, this is what USA has in spades. In a long-suffering summer filled with reruns and reality shows…there was one network that was dependable for new entertainment and that’s this network. USA debuted new programming with eight (EIGHT!) original series this summer, and renewed each show for another season, including White Collar, Burn Notice, In Plain Sight (for a final season), freshman show Suits and now Covert Affairs, Royal Pains and Necessary Roughness. This many renewals in one season is pretty unheard of, and it’s the largest ever for a cable network, and exceedingly better than what other network’s produced. There wasn’t one single cancellation. Known for hour-long dramas, the network will add their successful formula to half-hour comedies, and also offset their open-air, blue skies approach with a gritty new crime drama called Common Law. All in all, the USA network is set to take over all of television. Irony? They’re a sister network to NBC. And that network is just awful. I imagine it must be like having the big brother who was a high school superstar show up, hairy, bloated, and in a trucker hat asking for money. Oh, shizz. NBC is Cousin Eddie to USA’s Clark Griswald! [Deadline]
One Place Where it’s Okay to Have a Laugh Track: ABC Family. I wasn’t totally sure what programs littered up this channel. I imagined it was a place where the last dregs of ABC’s 1980’s TGIF Television Night (Urkel! Uncle Joey! Balki Bartokomous!) buzzed around in an attic making dresses for poor cinder girls like Disney characters until someone had use for them, or called upon their magic mops and buckets. Yes, surely, that’s what this network has. In researching this write up it came to my attention that Joey “Whoa” Lawrence and Melissa Joan “Sabrina the Teenage Witch” Hart exist on this channel in some sort of Who’s the Boss/Full House mirrored maze of canned laughter. The show’s called Melissa & Joey’s Perfect Family House Full of Strangers. No, not really, but whatever. Sooo, given that, I’d think none of us are surprised that the network is finalizing deals on new pilot orders including something called Strut about a former showgirl (ON ABC FAMILY!) who’s down on her luck and ends up helping a struggling drill team. If Elizabeth Berkeley shows up in this thing I’ll never stop laughing. [Deadline]
