You’ve seen me before. Maybe it’s in Petco, checking out a cat climbing tower or deciding between bags of catnip like they’re fine steaks. Maybe it’s in Target or Wal-Mart, with a 20 pound bag of catfood on one shoulder and a big bucket of kitty litter in the other. Maybe it’s in the office, where every article of clothing I own seems to have cat hair on it. You probably think to yourself, “Wow, he’s such a dedicated boyfriend/husband to be taking care of his girlfriend’s/wife’s cat like that.”
Well, you’d be wrong. I don’t have a girlfriend or a wife. The little furball I buy cat stuff for is all mine.
I am a Cat Man.
The reason I’m writing this article is because Cat Men like myself get a bad rap, especially among the ladies. We all know that guys are supposed to be out walking their gigantic, masculine dogs who will go jump on the nearest pretty girl.
Well, that’s not me. I don’t like big dogs. I had a bad experience with one when I was a child. Consequently, anything larger than a Corgi makes me nervous. Moreover, I grew up with cats, often two or three at a time.
So, when it came time for me to choose a pet, I naturally chose a cat.
This is my cat, Leo.
Leo is 14 pounds of near-constant annoyance. He meows all the time, he knocks stuff off various surfaces, and he bites. However, when he’s not doing those things, he’s absolutely loving and adorable. He likes to curl up next to me at night when I go to bed. He’ll sleep on my lap when I’m watching a movie. He loves stretching out on my desk when I’m working. I have spent more money than I care to think about on cat toys and cat accessories, and every time I go to the store I have to restrain myself from buying him more. Leo is a very happy, if very spoiled, cat.
Now, I’d like to talk to the ladies for a minute. Guys, come back in a bit.
/puts on a smoking jacket, lights a cigar, pours a glass of scotch, and sits down in a high-backed leather chair in a library full of mahogany shelves and leather-bound books.
Ladies, I know that Cat Men don’t come across as being as masculine as Dog Guys, but let me tell you, it takes a special kind of man to own and love a cat. See, cats are complicated creatures, and they need complicated men to take care of them. Cat Men are sensitive, intelligent, and sophisticated, just like their pets. A man that owns a cat is secure in his masculinity, and doesn’t need to show off. It’s no surprise that some of the greatest Presidents in history have owned cats. Sure, a man wrestling with his dog may be cute, but a man with a cat is a catch.
Alright guys, you can come back now.
Cat Men, stand up and be counted. Let the world know that we’re not weirdos. Let the world know that we just prefer cats, and there’s nothing wrong with that. Stand with me, fellow Cat Men, and together, one day, no man shall ever be judged for the species of his animal companion!
