Oh, hello there. It’s me again, your substitute liveblog slunt. Think back to high school when you had that same substitute teacher time after time. The one who had pretty much stopped trying. The one who smelled like vodka and breath mints. The one who basically let you kids do whatever the hell you wanted as long as you didn’t kill one another. Yeah, that’s me, and I’m flexible on the murder thing.
Can you believe we’ve already been watching this shit for a month? I still can’t remember most of the design goblins’ names, but at least we’ve done a pretty thorough job of creating nicknames for them. That makes me feel warm inside, but that could just be the vodka.
Tonight’s episode is going to be a doozy. How do I know? Well, just look at the expressions on their faces. Barbie and…whoever that is sitting next to Barbie (She needs a nickname, guys. Get on that.) look surprised. Barbie looks sort of dazed, speechless surprised, and the other goblin looks surprised like she’s less than a second away from full hysterics. Who or what could cause these two to appear so alarmed? Take off your pants and pour yourself a drink or put on your eating dress and grab some grief bacon, children, because we’re about to find out.
That’s right, they’re designing for Nina. Are you ready? Let’s do this.
9:05 – Nina likes nothing. Good luck, designers!
9:06 – Obligatory HP commercial
9:06 – “This challenge is a challenge.” You have such a way with words, Anya.
9:07 – I hope Nina doesn’t stop short because Viktor will break his nose.
9:08 – Why is it that when Nina says “I’m very happy…” my guts churn?
9:10 – “Dated.” DRINK!
9:15 – “Let me turn it around and make it into…a coat fashioned from the flesh of orphans.”
9:16 – You guys, if Bryce survives another week, I give up.
9:17 – Oh crap! There’s only ten minutes left, and the producers need some drama! We’re using the same fabric.
9:18 – Cecila is having a breakdown.
9:19 – Julie wants to go on a cruise and catch a stomach virus.
9:21 – Cecilia is going to be a puddle of tears and dashed hopes at the end of this episode, right?
9:22 – Danielle is in trouble.
9:23 – Julie’s design hasn’t been completely rejected.
9:24 – Anya has no Plan B. She’s going to have to give birth to this design whether she likes it or not.
9:29 – So is Anya getting the fake-out edit? They want us to believe it’s a huuuuuuge risk, and Nina will wind up liking it?
9:31 – Nina eye roll. Drink!
9:31 – The chipping away of Cecilia’s sanity continues.
9:32 – “Mousy and mousy.” Nina has spoken.
9:34 – What a surprise! The winning look will appear in Marie Claire! I mean who would have ever imagined?!
9:35 – Okay maybe Kimberly is getting the winner’s edit. Poor girl has lost some family members, and we know when producers like to trot out those stories.
9:35 – An extended HP commercial.
9:36 – Fiance? Isn’t he from some gay hating state?
9:44 – Anya can work unna preshuh.
9:44 – Cecilia’s model has huge neeples.
9:45 – Is Viktor dressed up for the July 4th jubilee?
9:46 – Tim just said he’s sweating. I don’t believe Tim sweats.
9:47 – Cecilia has officially given up.
9:47 – Mmmmm. Makeup bear.
9:49 – *gay half turn* “Is that gluuuue? Yikes.” I love Tim.
9:50 – Urgent techno. Drama!
9:56 – Runway time!
9:57 – Joanna Coles will be played by Tilda Swinton in the big screen adaptation.
9:58 – Joshua’s = Judy Jetson?
9:58 – Bert’s = BORING. DON’T BORE NINA.
9:59 – Madonna’s = not bad at all
9:59 – Anthony’s = the skirt’s a little weird
10:00 – Kimberly’s = came out pretty well
10:00 – Cecilia’s = just as awful as she thinks
10:01 – Anya’s = alright I guess, but I don’t see Nina wearing it
10:01 – Danielle’s = meh’
10:01 – Does Bryce have a lip piercing or a mole or herpes or all of those?
10:02 – Barbie’s = Whoa. Really?
10:03 – Bert has a senior moment.
10:08 – Smeagol is blaming Nina for what he designed. Good thing she likes it.
10:09 – Julie is in deep shit. “It looks like she wore it on a 12 hour plane ride and rolled around in it.”
10:10 – Cecilia can barely hold back the tears.
10:12 – Kimberly seems a bit nervous, but Nina loves it so settle down, gworl.
10:13 – Heidi loves Anya’s design.
10:14 – Smeagol is freaking out that Anya didn’t tell them she got help.
10:15 – Danielle is in trubs.
10:17 – “Unless you are going to a Joan Crawford St. Patty’s Day party, who is wearing this blouse?!” Tangerine Queen does not disappoint.
10:20 – Smeagol is going to be so pissed if Anya wins.
10:27 – Kimberly wins. Much deserved, I think.
10:29 – Cecilia survives to cry another day.
10:29 – Julie’s gone.
10:31 – I’m kind of loving watching Kimberly and Nina.
Wow. Next week is going to be a shitstorm of teamwork. I can’t wait! Thanks for liveblogging with me, everyone!
