As I have mentioned before, Bots has kindly suggested that I cross post blog entries from www.daisysagesays.wordpress.com from time to time. Here is our most recent entry.:
This lovely letter comes from our reader, Cosmic Debris.
Dear Daisy,
I think your blog and your advice are delightfully thoughtful and helpful. I so enjoyed the always genius George Carlin, and your essay on how much crap we allow on the lawn of our life is thought provoking in such a fun way!
I am writing not so much for advice per se, rather to get your philosophical take on the following (if you don’t mind…):
I just read this quote by Theodore Geisel (aka Dr. Seuss): “Don’t cry because it’s over. Smile because it happened.”
I have mixed feelings on that statement. By nature, I am a fairly easygoing, grateful person. A bit of a hippie sensibility even though I was born too late for all of that (can hippie genes be passed along? If so, thank you Daddy!) I try to learn from my mistakes and unpleasant experiences and have few regrets in life.
That said, my reaction to dear Dr. Seuss’ eloquent bit of ‘don’t cry over spilled milk, be happy you had a sip before you wasted it’, was at first “Aww…that is so true” and then almost immediately (to quote the late, great Amy Winehouse) “What kind of f*ckery is this?”. I mean, gratitude is fabulous, but in certain situations…oh, say, losing a great love, or maybe when the dog eats your Manolos, I find it hard to be grateful for having someone/something so beloved unexpectedly yanked away while I was still fully enthralled. While I would totally cherish the time spent with that love and wearing those shoes (to keep with the example…I don’t actually have a dog..),sudden loss is so hard sometimes (I could get over the shoes, but the love??). Is this selfish and/or unenlightened of me? I seriously try not to be either of those things if I can help it. Eastern philosophy speaks of ‘attachment’ as an affliction, but sometimes it just feels soooo good!
Thanks, Daisy.
Peace!
Cosmicdebris
Dear Cosmicdrebris,
First of all thank you so much for your kind words about the blog; they are greatly appreciated!
Now on to your question. First I considered the Theodore Geisel quote ( which I had never heard before, so thanks) :“Don’t cry because it’s over. Smile because it happened.” I think this may apply to more than just a transitory “spilled milk” situation. I think he may also be talking about bigger life events, or phases of life and relationships. Either way, indeed, attachment is the hitch, as they say.
But is attachment an “affliction” as Eastern philosophy perceives it? It certainly can be experienced that way. And yet, as you say, it really can feel SO good sometimes. It seems to be an integral part of the human experience, although sometimes it ends up biting us in the backside. “See? That’s where they get ya..” as my grandfather used to say about loss leader ads for the early bird special at the diner.
Now on to your concern that you might be selfish or unenlightened. First, the people who are truly concerned that they might be selfish or unenlightened, are typically the least selfish and the most enlightened people. The rest of the hooligans are out there gettin’ what they want on the material plane NOW, NOW, NOW and not worrying about all this spiritual hoo-ha or anyone else’s feelings.
At any given point in our lives, most of us are simultaneously “attached” ( or selfish, as you put it ) about some things, and “enlightened” about others. I think if you can enjoy your attachment without hurting yourself or others, it’s an OK thing. We are after all, human beings in physical bodies who “came to town” at least in part to enjoy this human experience. But all things in moderation, right? When it starts to hurt, it’s time to at least take a shot at detachment; something you, Cosmicdebris, seem pretty conscientious about.
Now how to do the detachment? Bigger minds than mine have been working on that in the lab for a really long time . Of course you and I can try to study and take some clues from them.
But something has just occurred to me that might help us with this. It’s an idea that usually helps me relative to the concept of forgiveness, but maybe it would help with this attachment thing, too. I look at the person ( which could be myself sometimes ) I’m trying to forgive, and I sort of visualize them inside a framework of whatever their limitations at the time. I sort of put a mental frame around them and say,to myself, “So and So, being who he or she is or was at the time could have done nothing else but what he or she did. And that’s what happened and it’s done now.”
Does it make me suddenly like the person more than I did before? Generally not. But I don’t feel mad any more, and I don’t feel interested in thinking about whatever happened that made me mad or hurt me.
Maybe we could apply this to our attachment issue. We put a mental frame around the thing we wanted, and can’t have anymore. We say to ourselves, “Conditions being what they are, or were, we could not have this thing for any more time than we had it.” And maybe if we do that often enough we get detached. And maybe eventually we can even take out the memory of this thing we had for a while and enjoy looking at it and not feel sad that it isn’t here anymore.
In conclusion, I leave you with this classic song about “over the top” attachment. ( The kind that does feel sooooo good while it’s going.)
For more of the “fresh, unique point of view that the masses are simply panting to hear” from a character from a relatively obscure 1930s film, please come visit us at : www.daisysagesays.wordpress.com
