The Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest crowned its grand prize winner on Monday. Named for novelist Edward George Bulwer-Lytton, the contest began at San Jose State University in 1982 and each year invites entrants to compose terrible first sentences for imaginary novels. The contest has grown over the years and now includes a slew of genre categories. This year’s grand prize winner was Sue Fondrie, and here is her godawful winning sentence:
“Cheryl’s mind turned like the vanes of a wind-powered turbine, chopping her sparrow-like thoughts into bloody pieces that fell onto a growing pile of forgotten memories.”
Well done, Ms. Fondrie. That is truly horrendous. You can check out the full list of winners here.
So, Crassholes, now I turn to you, and I know you will not disappoint me. In the comments below, I want you to write an awful first sentence for an imaginary novel. You have until 3pm EST tomorrow (July 29th) to give us your best. Please enter as many times as it takes for you to be satisfied that we’ve seen just how well you write utter crap. The winner will be announced sometime after 3pm Friday!
