Hello? Goodbye?
You say yes, I say no. You say Sandra and I say Oh.
You say Di Caprio and I say Leo, Leo, Leo, hello I don’t know why you say goodbye…
Except that I think that’s quite enough of that and George and Ringo concur.
So, luv, how is everything at your Mum’s house? Enough coal in the scuttle? Sardines in the tin? Good, good. Oh, nothing. Me and the band are still on the road, you know how it is. Can’t wait to be back Merseyside. I seem to have picked up this Asian fangirl stalker; she says she’s an artist. I dunno, luv, she doesn’t seem dangerous…
[at which point the phone went dead. the following is a transcript from the John Lennon Artificial Intelligence Project]
What gossip do you have?
That’s a good question.
We’re both consenting adults, John.
Do you think I’m both consenting adults john too?
I’m beginning to think you’re my therapist.
In the end, it really doesn’t matter.
Don’t be abstruse.
Ok I’ll try not to do it too much.
Can you give me Paul’s number? He might be more of a live wire.
I don’t know, you know. It’s so long since I’ve had to give youpauls number he might be more of a live wire .
You’re not good with sentence structure, are you?
What makes you think I’m not good with sentence structure am I ?
You are a Deadspin commenter, aren’t you?
We’re just living, just sort of vegetating.
Bingo.
So much for going to the source: next time instead of interviewing the ghost, I’ll just buy the album. Since I was unsuccessful at pumping Ghostly John Lennon for celebrity dirt, we’ll have to get it from terrestrial blogs for today.
Palin Poetry: the Palinleaks Haikus. America gets the Japanese poetic forms it deserves, as Sarah Palin’s emails get put through the Haiku Finder. Art really IS everywhere! (raincoaster)
Who needs the tooth fairy? Who needs Food Porn? We’ve got the Magic Rum Fairy! (ManoloFood)
Emma Watson is back in the harness. Gee, I didn’t know there was a new Matrix movie in the works. Still, this will come in handy for her battles with arch-enemy Fat Bastard. (Ayyyy)
Harrison Ford IS Errand Runner! I’d like to take a look at his Furby, if you know what I mean and I think you do! (Lolebrity)
Debbie Reynolds is selling off her children’s inheritance and YOU CAN BUY IT! Yes, it’s the celebrity crap auction of the year, and open for business! Someone call Harrison Ford, quick! (Crasstalk)
Starfuckery failure: pro edition. ScarJo needs to go study at the scabby, callused knees of Courtney Love. (AgentBedhead)
It’s time to draw the line! Catherine, Duchess of Whatever, the Artist Formerly Known as Kate Middleton, needs an eyeliner intervention, people. (BusyBeeBlogger)
Gary Dourdan is brought to your police department by the Letter E. Unlike the last time, when he was brought to your police station by the letters DUI. (CelebDirtyLaundry)
Mazel tov, kids. Now, can the world please forget about Lily Allen? (CelebritySmack)
Who are the 10 best actors in Hollywood? Other than the “I didn’t hook up with him” Kardashians? (CelebVIPLounge)
JWoww kisses a dog. So things are looking up for her in the romance department. (CityRag)
Ladies and gentlemen, start your gingham! Jessica Simpson, superchic fashion powerhouse, is cloning herself. (DailyStab)
Taylor Momsen…remember her? Well, it looks like she’s hooking up with an electrician now. (FitFabCeleb)
Paparazzis pap’d! Six celebrities spying on you. (GirlsTalkinSmack)
Jessica Alba’s kid is going to be VERY popular with the tabloids! Nothing like leaking on your mom in front of a row of reporters. (HaveUHeard)
Conan O’Brien enters the Greatest Commencement Speech Sweepstakes. Will he take it from Steve Jobs? It’s Team Coco vs Apple Fanboys in the final round: Dartmouth vs Stanford. (HollywoodHiccups)
I’ll take “let them get the damn picture instead of crashing the car with your children in it” for a hundred, Alex! On the other hand, how desperate must a pap be to try to get a picture of Tori Spelling? (INeedMyFix)
Prince Hot Ginge in his undershirt. It doesn’t matter what I type here; you’re not reading it anyway. (SwoonWorthy)
People still date Lindsay Lohan’s castoffs? In other news, Demi Lovato is apparently capable of making good decisions again. (TheSkinnyChic)
Selah.
