Reality. It hit my mother like a punch in the gut. Reality. Freedom’s ugly, selfish, ankle biting cousin. She slammed the door on my father and the past but, when she greeted her new found freedom, it let her down. Freedom meant taking care of a 3 year old by herself. It meant working full time, finding a place to live, hiring a lawyer, and paying him. All in a country that was not her own with a language that was hard to master.
Freedom was overwhelming, sometimes miserable, often exhausting. My mother struggled, I know she did. I remember a lot of tears, followed by yelling, followed by sleep. My father just made everything worse by fighting her every step of the way.
Before we get to the juicy, albeit crazy, details, I need to explain something to you about my mother. She spends the majority of her life on a moral high horse. She will argue a point into the ground and would prefer to always come out smelling like a rose. She cannot stand, what she perceives to be, any injustice aimed at anyone she knows, let alone her own judgement.
Enter the private detective. The pit bull lawyer my mother found through a friend suggested she needed “evidence” to strengthen her case. He knew the salacious information regarding the mistress would only be bolstered by photographic evidence and first hand testimony. So, the train wreck that was my parents divorce, began.
I’ll be honest, I don’t remember much. I remember it was cold and snowing and somewhere around Christmas time. I have a vague recollection of the doorbell ringing at an ungodly hour, my mother bundling me up like the Michelin Man and strapping me into my car seat in someone else’s car. The private detective’s car.
We were going for a ride! To Switzerland. Yup, Switzerland. Which, from Germany in the winter of 1973, was no small feat. My father had decided that spending the holidays with his girlfriend and her daughter in the snow sounded downright cozy. And my mother, well, she saw this as the perfect opportunity for evidence gathering.
So, off we went, the three of us in the cold, with cameras in hand and a thirst for revenge in our hearts. It turned out, however, to be much more difficult than first anticipated. We were exposed by a friend and my dad moved his whole party to a different chalet. This, unfortunately, did not come to anyone’s attention until we’d spent an entire night staking out an empty cabin.
In hindsight, I don’t think Magnum PI was really up to the job, but he was all my mom could afford. Finally, on night three, paydirt! From what my mom tells me, things were seen, pictures were taken, words were exchanged and police were called. The three of us beat a hasty retreat and escaped across the border without being caught. I guess the Swiss do not look favorably upon spying through people’s windows and photographing the action. Who knew?
Fast forward several months. We settled into a new apartment, my mom found a job and someone to take care of me. She purchased her first car (a Citroen Deux Chevaux) and made a few friends. But, the divorce was still looming large. There was the matter of alimony and child support as well as custody arrangements. The custody thing turned out to be the easiest to deal with as my father was not really equipped to raise a child, nor did he have any desire to do so.
The money was a different story. My parents fought tooth and nail. To this day, with all the evidence gathered and presented, I am still baffled by the outcome. The judge presented my mom with a whopping $200/month child support and no alimony. She was devastated. You see, my father had made quite a name for himself in the commercial photography business thanks, in no small part, to his mistress/rep. Money was not an issue for him, except that he hated to part with it.
So, after all the craziness and sleepless nights, my mother’s moral high horse was put out to pasture, at least temporarily. Her new reality was survival mode and she dove in head first. You see, no one would ever convince my mom that she’d made a mistake, that she was not capable of doing this on her own and being successful.
She was determined to turn the chaos into calm.
Then, one day, when I was nine, my mother made a decision that would alter our lives forever…..
