Andy Cohen Wants To Kill Children

I love modern society. Charlie Sheen claims that he is a winner at life. The French are shocked – SHOCKED! – that there is anti-semitism within their borders.  And the Oscars stunk.  Not because Anne Hathaway had a bad case of dramaqueenitis. Not because James Franco spent the evening somewhere in the upper reaches of the ionosphere.

According to Andy Cohen of Bravo!, the Oscars stunk because of children.  Public school children.  In choruses.  Wearing tee-shirts.  And behaving like children.

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The pearls of wisdom roll in after the 3-minute mark. “There was a thing called ‘Up With People’ in the ’70s or ’80s. Here’s what: Oscar night is not about Up With People. Like, I don’t need to see that. It was just bad. It was just awful. It was horrible.”  Now this is a man I can get behind.  Screw you, optimism!

And the solution: kill the children.  “A public school chorus singing “Somewhere Over the Rainbow.” I literally — if I wasn’t going to go out to some parties I would have slit ’em right then. It was the worst. I was looking for a knife to stick in my eyes, it was so terrible.”

And the Academy Award for Best Performance By A Douchebag goes to Andy Cohen for his portrayal of Patrick Bateman in American Psycho III: I Want To Slit The Throats Of School Kids.

Personally, I can’t think of anything better than a rich white man telling a group of kids from the crappier sections of Staten Island that “You just ruined everything.”  Yeah, and those public school teachers need a paycut. I’m sick and tired of them drinking Cristal at after hours clubs and being chauferred to work in Maybachs.

UPDATE: Because of a lot of “Who the heck are these kids and why did they sing at the Oscars” flying around the Net, I did a little reading (at their website).  The Chorus has been written up a lot of times over the last 5 years.  They hit it big when one of their YouTube performances of a Tori Amos song was sent to Perez Hilton, who loved it and posted it.  It wound up getting well over a million hits.

An excerpt from a NYT article on them:

“And Mr. Breinberg [a/k/a Mr. B, the chorus’ director], in turn, seems to feel a deep affection for his singers. ‘There’s a great feeling in seeing these kids — some of whom have been abused, neglected, who have nothing to look forward to when they get home — and knowing that when they come in to my class to sing, you can just see the depth of their emotional experience come through,’ he said.”

They’re also part of the “Save The Music” type efforts to keep music and arts programs in public schools (often first on the chopping block).

It really gives perspective to whom exactly Andy Cohen was shitting on.  I’ve got no problem with him having an opinion.  I do tend to draw a line on publicly dumping on children.  You don’t have to like the kids or the performance but taking to the national airwaves to tell a group of lower and middle class 10 year-olds “You ruined the Oscars for everyone” borders on sociopathic.  Especially given the oeuvre that is The Real Housewives Of…

On the racial front, look at the 2011 Oscar lineup.  The winner was The King’s Speech (about as white, rich, and privileged as it gets).  Of the nominees, only Javier Bardem was a minority.  It was a lily-white ceremony with lily-white presenters honoring lily-white subjects where the only “black” nominated was Black Swan.

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