Absolutely nothing interesting happened today. Nothing whatsoever was announced at the Moscone Center in San Francisco today. There was nothing doing with tablet computing.
Okay, so I’m lying. Apple announced the iPad 2: Electric Bugaloo today. It’s 30% thinner, twice as powerful, five times as intuitive, and 100% more magical. It’ll prolly cost the same as the iPad 1: The Phantom Menace when that one came out. Should you buy it? I don’t know. I don’t have an iPad and there’s probably better things out there to spend money on in the middle of a recession. Shock of shocks, AAPL closed up 2.81 (.8 %) to $352.12. The DJIA was up by a hair (.07%) to close up 8.78 at 12,066.80. The NSDQ did a shade better, closing up .39% to close up 10.66 at 2,48.07. Meanwhile, the redheaded stepchild bastard S&P closed up a modest .16% to close at 1,308.44, up 2.11.
In other news, Charlie Sheen is doing much better without a publicist, offering a subdued interview to CNN saying that he is sorry that his children were taken away by the police and that he understands that the police are doing their jobs and blah blah blah. Bottom line: there was no reference to goddesses, tiger blood, winning, or Adonis DNA. So Charlie Sheen’s stock is up… meaning that it’s up from $.02 to $.025
In other insanity news, Qaddafi almost killed a bunch of reporters from CNN when the Libyan Air Force dropped a bomb. To be clear, the reporters were in Libya. They were almost killed because Qaddafi is now bombing his own people.
On the “Who Hates Jews Today?” front, there haven’t been any reports of anti-semitic slurs against the Chosen People. Then again, we do control the media so maybe my people have just gone with not publicizing the anti-Semitism.
In conclusion, we need a cure for cancer. Obviously Steve Jobs has an uncanny ability to meld sleek design, consumer electronics, hip marketing, and planned obsolescence into one shiny package and as long as we all keep buying iPads and iPhones, the economy will be fine. Charlie Sheen should “free-ball” his publicity from now on and nothing bad will happen as a result of him being on Twitter. And the current leader on the PGA Insanity Open is Qadaffi, who last was heard saying, “The American president will leave office, the European leaders will leave their offices, and Gadhafi will still be a leader.”
And Charlie Sheen is WINNING!
