Pirates and Bad Break-Ups

As Valentine’s Day looms, I thought a post sharing bad break-up stories was in order. Please feel free to reply with your own horror stories, though, I’m fresh out of lamps to giveaway. Here is my story:

A few years ago, I dated a British gal who attended a local culinary school. We were introduced through a mutual friend and sparks were flew within a matter of minutes as we bantered and flirted. I could tell she was a hot commodity in the scene as during our conversation multiple girls interrupted us and shot me dirty looks (the lesbian community is small around here, so everyone knows each other and knows who’s fresh meat).

After a few weeks of dates, I noticed she was the kind of girl who liked to be chased and play games. I am not the type to do either. Furthermore, I had recently broken up with someone whom I loved dearly, so my attention was split – this did not please the Brit. She began to test me, which I never respond well too; actually, I usually don’t respond at all. This is when things took a turn for the worse.

To understand “the break up,” you should know we had an inside joke about Peter Pan –  one day, she asked me to draw her a picture, so I drew her as Peter Pan as that was her favourite book as a child.

Now for the good stuff: One night we were joking around (or so I thought) via text messaging…

Cookies: How’s Peter Pan doing today? 🙂

Brit: Just hanging out with the lost boys [her friends].

Cookies: If you and your friends are the lost boys, what does that make me?

Brit: A pirate with no soul!

Cookies: Argh! What if this pirate were to become an ex-pat and join the lost boys? I want my soul back!

Brit: The lost boys don’t feel good about us hanging out. They think you have a lot to make up for and don’t think pirates can change.

Cookies: Um, are you being serious?

Brit: Yes.

Cookies: So, you’re telling me we shouldn’t hang out anymore?

Brit: I think it’s for the best. Pirates with no souls and Lost Boys don’t mix.

Oh, and that’s not all, we had swapped ipods to listen to each other’s music and when I got mine back she had completely wiped it clean. Then she slept with 3 of my friends.

Need I remind you that we were both 24 at the time? Or, at least, I was.

Now’s your turn to share a break-up story! Don’t make this pirate suffer alone.