Il Fenomeno Retires

Ronaldo (not the pretty-boy Portuguese one, the gap-toothed Brazilian one) retired yesterday. He was nicknamed Il Fenomeno because, well, he was one of the most hyped and anticipated young players the world had ever seen when he first came on the scene. He ended his career in somewhat Favre-esque levels of public shame but nevertheless should be remembered as one of perhaps the ten greatest footballers to ever play the sport.

The first time I really started hearing about Ronaldo was back in 97 and early 98, during the run-up to the 98 World Cup in France. He had just spent his first great season at Inter Milan and the 98 Cup was his massive international breakout.

I remember first seeing this Nike ad on TV in the U.S. and being absolutely blown away that they would put a soccer commercial on the air.

I just watched this video for the first time in years and was surprised that it featured so many of Ronaldo’s teammates because in my mind, this was the Ronaldo commercial. It didn’t hurt Nike that Ronaldo had an excellent cup run (despite a poor final showing against France) and ended his career as the all-time top goal scorer in World Cup history.

So over the next ten years, Ronaldo would go on to star at Inter Milan and then Real Madrid. What made him so dangerous is that he combined the excellent dribblling and passing skills of a playmaking midfielder with the killer instinct of a striker.

Here’s a 15 minute video of dribbling highlights:

Here are gobs of great Ronaldo finishes:

Here’s the thing, though. Ronaldo, much like Elvis, went through a sort of crazy period late in his career. A few seasons ago, back playing in Brazil for Corinthians, the media started noticing the Fat Ronaldo.

Now, this physique might not be an issue for baseball or football fans, but soccer players are expected to run a few miles at full speed in every match. And when Ronaldo didn’t score a goall, his weight became an easy scapegoat for the absolutely brutal soccer media. (Yesterday he mentioned a thyroid condition as one of the causes of his retirement.)

Then three years ago he was extorted by three tranny prositutes he met in a Rio nightclub. You know, typical stuff!

Oh, and back in December, after a paternity test revealed that he had a fourth kid after he knocked up a waitress, he publicly announced his vasectomy and said he’s “closing the baby factory.”

OK, so he may have had a bit of a bumpy road there in the past few years, and he had to suffer the indigignity of having his name appropriated by the thoroughly unlikeable Cristiano Ronaldo. But despite all that, no one can take away Ronaldo’s 15 World Cup Goals, two World Cup trophies, dozens of major league championships and three Fifa World Player of the Year Awards. And most of all… that goofy gap-toothed smile.