Dear Barbie Q: Frosting and Nooky

Dear Barbie Q:
1) How do you get a boy to sleep with you on the first date?
2) How do you make frosting from scratch?
Regards,
Tuna Melt
Dear Tuna Melt,
I could make so, so many disgusting tuna melt sex jokes here, but instead I will contribute the one piece of frosting knowledge that I have. To access it, we must return to a simpler time, a time when the first Mildred of my family’s Mildred trilogy reigned. That would be my tiny blue-haired grandmother who voraciously read Harlequin romances and always wore white gloves when she left the house. She managed to convince nearly everyone around her that she was sickly and on the verge of death although she was healthy as a horse until she was 98 and a half.

She made a frosting from cocoa powder and cool whip and it was delicious. It is the only thing I ever saw her cook.
Here’s the recipe:
¼ cup Hershey’s Cocoa powder
3 Tbs. confectioners’ sugar
1 tub o’Cool Whip
1/2 tsp. vanilla extract

Adjust amount of cocoa to your personal preference. Frost anything. Mildred the First always used it on yellow cake.

If you’re looking for nooky, I suggest inviting your suitor to your house for dessert after the movie, dinner or whatever. Frost yourself. Decorate with strawberries and/or blueberries for an added intriguing touch.

Deliciously yours,
Barbie Q