Daily Archives: January 7, 2011

2 posts

Has The Rapture Index Dropped the Ball?

2 million fish were found dead in The Chesapeake Bay. 100,000 fish went belly up in Northwest Arkansas. Thousands of birds died in Arkansas, Louisiana and Sweden. They just fell out of the sky.

WTF?

Naturally, I turned to The Rapture Index (www.raptureready.com) for answers. Is it Armageddon? Is it Rapture Time? If you’ve missed my blog posts on the issue, The Rapture Index is self-defined as “the prophetic speedometer of end-time activity”. The Index measures a variety of categories including false christs, liberalism, plagues, droughts, and the occult. The record Index high was 182 on Sept 24, 2001. The record low of 57 was recorded on December 12, 1993.

There is no specific Index measure for dying birds or fish, but if I remember correctly from the movie The Seventh Sign, dying fish and birds falling from the sky are definitely a bad sign. I went right to The Rapture Index for answers and what do you think I found? Nothing! The Index has not been updated since January 3rd and it’s sitting steady at 173. That’s pretty high but there is no mention whatsoever of the bird/fish death plague and how it might affect the rapture. Should I pack for the rapture? Should I find heathens to watch my pets after the rapture? Should I bother to send in a check for this month’s mortgage? Dammit, I need answers. If I can’t turn to The Rapture Index, where can I turn?

Crossposted from bbqcornnuts.typepad.com

Wait, what? No, no, really, what?

What the frick can these two possibly have to say to one another?

CS: “I’m on a show. A television show?”
DJ Paul Mitchell: “I’m on a show, too!”
CS: “Maybe you’ve heard of it? On HBO? It’s called Big Love.”
DJ Paul Mitchell: “Heh, heh. I got me some big love here, if you know what I mean!”
CS: “No, no, you moron. Big Love. It’s about Mormons.”
DJ Paul Mitchell: “Yeah, yeah, like them singers. In like a choir or some such.”
CS: “No, no, you moron…well, yeah, like that. Look, my show’s ending, so how about I make you my next project? How attached to that hair are you?”
DJ Paul Mitchell: “My hair is totally attached to my body. Have you seen my body? It is my third best feature.”
CS: “I don’t even want to know what your first and second best features are. Just shut up and smile. They’re taking our picture.”

My hair hurts just thinking about this.