s'mores_indoors_fieri

Did you know he invented something called the S’Mores Indoors Pizza? Well, people who shop at Sam’s Club knew about it, and they resoundingly labeled this monstrosity a nasty little insane Guy Fieri shit bomb. But we’re just hearing about it now! Just how bad is it? Well, basically you take molten hot possibly chocolate, possibly liquefied dung beetles, we can’t be sure, and add marshmallows that slide off the crust into an unidentifiable blob of crap and then douse it with liberal amounts of fire-throat inducing cayenne pepper!

Did we mention that Guy Fieri recently received an honorary doctorate from UNLV “for his public service?” HAHA! HAhahaaaahaaaaa. Ded.

Shoppers at Sam’s Club were justifiably dismayed when they tasted what sounds like an experiment in gastronomic torture.

“This is the worst thing I’ve ever bought!” they said.

“The taste was HORRIBLE! I would have never expected it to be spicy!” they exclaimed.

“I was sick from it. Did I mention it was spicy?!” they shouted at the unhearing world.

Meanwhile, Guy Fieri, backwards ugly shades wearing, dastardly stomach destroying mofo, just laughed and laughed, and then he opened his abominable whirlwind of a suck-ass Times Square restaurant. And all the time this thing was being spit out in droves to unsuspecting shoppers like the turd that ruined Christmas.

s'morespizza

You win, Guy.