When my husband and I were first married, we wrote a Christmas letter. This was his comment on his career at the time:
“Mr. Corn is working vigorously to pass a bill in the Colorado legislature. The bill will make it a class 2 misdemeanor to ask a couple when they are having children before their second wedding anniversary.”
It’s really a shame that he couldn’t get a bill like that passed. If he had, plain clothes cops could attend weddings, holiday parties and family reunions and issue fines on the spot.
I firmly believe people should also be fined:
- Anyone who asks a single person “When are you going to get married?”
- People that touch pregnant women.
- People who use the word “literally” inappropriately. “My car is literally out of gas.” Can a car be figuratively out of gas?
- People who smell the cork on white wine.
- Drivers who cannot negotiate the traffic rules involved in a four-way stop and hold up the traffic for a long time.
- Storytellers who do not practice their anecdotes before trapping you at a cocktail party.
- Anyone who corrects another adult’s grammar in public.
We could use the funds to completely solve the social security crisis, fund a luxury health plan and buy everyone a new car.
I know you want to add people to this list. I know it.
