Speak Slang Just Like the Kids These Days

I have a really bad habit of using a lot of slang and swearing. If you talk to me in a non-professional setting, I curse like a motherfucking sailor. When I spend a lot of time around people, I pick up their slang terms really quickly. So it’s amusing to me to sometimes stop and think about some of the weird expressions I start using.

1. “That’s real ____.” “I’m real _____.” This is a new expression that has unfortunately entered my vocabulary because everyone in our office says this sarcastically. Generally, the blank is “smart” or “good.” We sound demented but I can’t stop saying it and it makes me crack up every single time.

2. “Hey girl hey.” If someone says they are going out to a club, or they are looking real fine, you definitely need to give them a “Hey girl hey.” A friend of mine has a variant if there are multiple girls, where you just shorten it to, “Hey girl, hey girl, hey girl” for each individual girl but I haven’t actually put that into practice yet.

3.“Clusterfuck” “Shitshow.” Look, sometimes logistical things fall apart and this is what you call that. I hate clusterfucks. I hate shitshows. There is a slight difference. Sometimes shitshow can mean that girl that is at the bar and had 5 shots on an empty stomach and is now drinking her fourth beer and is crying into her phone about her boyfriend. She’s a shitshow, especially if she breaks her phone.

4. “Sweet” I can only explain this by saying I’m from Southern California. Usually it’s followed by “dude.” I’m real smart, guys.

5. “HEY GUYS.” (This is actually meant to be written and should always be in all caps.) This is a way to get everyone’s attention.

6. “Bitch, please.” “Girl, please.” I almost always end up saying this to males. Usually, it’s to emphasis that I think whatever they just said is bullshit.

7. “Slore.” I believe this is a contraction of slut and whore. After seeing it written in the IRC, I started saying it in real life.

8. “Rabble rabble rabble.” This comes from being in the marching band. Is there talking? Is there, particularly, complaining? RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE! Related: “YELLING! NOISE!” (Literally, just yelling out “yelling” or “noise” instead of actual words that make sense in context.)

9. “Lemming.” I’m lemming that bottle of nail polish. I picked this up from the website Makeupalley. Lemming means that you really, really want something. I have said it out loud to someone unfamiliar with the site and was giving such a look.

10. “That’s mad ___.” I have no idea when I started picking this expression up but I recently became conscious of a tendency to use mad instead of very. That’s mad stupid, dude.

What I’d like you guys to do is share some of your more ridiculous slang expressions (or swear words! I fucking love cussing!). It might be awesome if you also include a tiny bit of demographic information like what city or state or country you are from, so we can have a little regional map of shit we say that makes us sound real smart.

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