This is part 3 of my ongoing series regarding Pen and Paper role playing games. Part 1 covered my experience in playing and a little bit of the history of the game and that can be found here. Part 2 covered what you needed to get started and how to find a game in your area and that is located here.
Recently Community did a hilarious episode centered entirely around roleplaying. Anyone who plays the game and watched it got a big kick out of the way the episode was done. The episode was both spot on and not quite right, but I understand why they did it the way they did. An actual session generally involved a lot more dice rolling. They minimized that aspect (since I’d imagine it would be about as much fun as watching paint dry) and played up the actual roleplaying part of the game. Each character in the show approached the game with a different mindset. I bring this up because when you sit down at a table it’s important to be able to identify each species of your fellow roleplayer. It should be noted that some players are hybrids of two types. With that in mind, here is a field identification guide to the various people you will see sitting around the table rolling dice.
DM aka GM aka Dungeon Master aka Game Master – This is the guy who is running the game. He generally has a haggard appearance and depending on how long he has been in charge will also dictate his level of general cynicism. Theoretically the DM is supposed to be an impartial judge of the action. The reality of the situation is, your DM is secretly plotting to kill you in your sleep because you solved in 2 minutes the encounter that took him an hour to put together. I’ll discuss the DM more next week.
Rookie – If you just started this is you. Don’t worry… the other more experienced players will act as training wheels, because role playing is a team sport and if one person goes down or does something horribly wrong, you’ll probably get the entire party killed. Everyone at the table will have a different idea about what you should be doing and most of them won’t be shy about telling you what and or how to do it. Either go with the wisdom of the crowd or forge your own way, the DM will usually be nice to Rookies for the first couple weeks before he really sticks it to you. Rookies should watch out for Master Cheese, because that guy is the worst and he is always looking for protégés.
Roleplayer – Technically everyone at the table is a Roleplayer, but people operate at different levels of commitment. Roleplaying is acting the part of your character, some people can’t be bothered and some people take it to annoying extremes. You have to look at it on a scale of 1-10
1 – A One barely knows his own character’s name let alone the names of any of the other characters. His character is basically a carbon copy of his personality, only with a sword and armor. Ones are generally fearless in battle because they have zero emotional attachment to their character.
3 – Not much better than a One, but this person has at least bothered to learn the names of everyone else’s character and will refer to them I.E. “It’s your turn Galaron” as opposed to “It’s your turn John”. A three may aspire to have some personality quirk but generally forgets about it in the heat of battle.
5 – Fives are starting to get serious about their roleplaying. They probably have multiple personality quirks, play an opposite gender character or occasionally use an accent. Fives can bring a lot of fun to the table because when the actual roleplaying aspect kicks in, they can participate while those of lesser numbers just go mute and wait for a battle to start or for the DM to ask them to roll some dice.
7 – Sevens start to get annoying. They might only reply to their character name when they sit down at the table. They make elaborate backstories for their character that are more like mini novels than anything else. Sevens might start tuning out in long combats because they are more interested in social encounters than fighting goblins. A seven will almost always have a voice or certain way of speaking to use when his character is talking.
11 – Yes, it goes all the way up to eleven. If you saw Community think Chang. Elevens are over the top always speaking with an elaborate accent. They have as little of themselves in the character as possible. You might see an Eleven in real life and not recognize him while he is playing because he has a completely different personality. Elevens are no fun at the table because they refuse to participate in any out of game conversation and that just makes it more difficult for everyone else. Elevens go on to LARP (Live Action Role Play) and they are the ones people make fun of when they call D&D players nerds.
Power Gamer aka Min/Maxer aka Master Cheese – This guy owns as many, if not more, supplements and rulebooks as your DM does. He will spend hours combing over forums to find the absolute best possible powers/stat combination. The Power Gamer is an absolute fiend in combat because his character is so tweaked that he just tears through same level monsters the DM throws at him. This might seem great at first, but eventually your DM will get tired of the Power Gamer killing everything in one round and start putting the party up against stuff it has no business fighting. The Power Gamer will probably survive the encounter but other members of the party will die because they aren’t as tweaked as him. Most Power Gamers are also Perry Masons.
Rules Lawyer aka Perry Mason – This guy is annoying. Technically, your DM should have final say on a ruling. When you ask if you can jump across a fiery chasm to attack an ogre, the DM is either going to tell you how hard it is going to be or that it’s impossible. Perry Mason will jump right in (usually before the DM makes a ruling) and point out the relevant rules, tell you if it is possible and what your target number is. If the DM says something different Perry Mason immediately starts arguing his case. Books will be opened, insults start flying and suddenly people stop having fun. Nothing can bring a table to a crawl faster than a Perry Mason who has learned every rule in every book except the most important one: “These are just general guidelines for play and your DM has final say.” If you point this out to Perry Mason he will just stick his fingers in his ears and yell, “LALALALALALA.” You should keep your character away from this guy, because your DM has him marked for death and if you get in the way you are just collateral damage.
Instigator aka Dickhead – This guy is just there to cause problems. Give him two decisions and the Instigator will make the one that causes the most trouble for the party. Instigators have one glaring weakness and that is they are easily baited by the DM into doing stupid shit. Your DM might spend hours carefully crafting story lines an options for a session and the Instigator has a unique talent for sniffing them out and wanting to do something else, something the DM isn’t prepared for, because he thinks it will be funny. The Instigator will probably get you killed with his assholery.
Slayer aka Combat Monkey – Role Playing? What’s Role Playing? I am here to roll dice and kill stuff. The Slayer often thinks he is some kind of tactical genius and may try to act as a general during combat encounters, giving everyone orders. You will quick grow tired of the Slayer because maybe you have your own ideas and would like to try them, but getting a word in edgewise is almost impossible. The Slayer is usually not as smart as he thinks he is and any plan he comes up with that fails he will blame on poor dice rolls or someone who didn’t do exactly what he wanted them to do. If the Slayer gives you an order and you don’t follow it, he will whine a lot because that is his only real power.
Texter aka Captain Distracted – This person always has their face in a phone or some other electronic device when it isn’t their turn. This is a relatively new species of gamer and I blame Steve Jobs for it. As a DM it’s a bit disheartening to see that half the people at the table are paying more attention to Angry Birds than to the 4 hours of work you put in on a campaign session. As long as Captain Distracted pays enough attention to know when his turn is up and doesn’t need a 5-minute explanation of everything that happened while he was blowing up pigs, it’s best to leave him alone. Captain Distracted may be prone to fits of withdrawal rage if you try to take away his tech toy.
The Rock – This person is physically present at the table, but they barely talk. They will almost never participate in roleplaying encounters and when it comes time for combat they generally tend to do the same thing over and over again. They are about as exciting as white paper. The Rock is easily ordered around by Slayer and in fact kind of enjoys it, because that is one less decision they have to make. I am pretty sure The Rock only plays so they can say they hang out with friends one day a week if someone asks them about it. Most Rocks tend to evolve after awhile when they relax but where they end up is always random.
Sycophant aka Major Kissass – This player has his lips firmly attached to your DM, somewhere. He will bring the DM his favorite snack foods, side with the DM in arguments with Perry Mason and generally just be a kiss ass. He does this because he hopes the DM will reward him with awesome treasure specifically for him or not attack him with monsters in combat. It doesn’t really work but the Sycophant will keep trying anyway. The price the Sycophant pays for getting absolutely nothing in return is that everyone else at the table will make fun of them.
Mr Indecision – When it’s time for this guy go, take your bathroom break. Mr Indecision is simply overwhelmed by the plethora of choices available to him and will spend 5-15 minutes every time trying to decide what he should do. These are the same people in real life who spend 10 minutes studying the menu at Burger King even though they end up getting the same thing every damn time. Slayer will try to hurry him up, but it only makes matters worse as it gives him another choice to make.
Mooch – This guy frequently shows up at the table without the basics, like a pencil, his dice or even his character sheet. He claims he owns a player’s handbook but nobody has ever actually seen it. Mooch also never brings snacks for the rest of the group and if you order pizza he will say he doesn’t want any, then later ask if he can grab the last slice. Nobody will say it, but everyone at the table secretly hates Mooch and might try to subtly get him to quit the group.
That is a summary of the major types of characters that I can think of right now, if I think of any others I will post them in the comments section. Also for those of you that have played if you think of any player types please bring them up.
Next week: So you think you have what it takes to run a game yourself? Probably not.
