The Soundtrack Of Your Life

By DahlELama and The_Obvious

Hey, remember mix tapes? (If you said “no,” get out.) Remember how great it was to spend hours upon hours sitting by the stereo and waiting for the right moment to hit “record” so you could pick the perfect songs for the perfect occasions? When the right combination of Savage Garden and KC and JoJo was going to make Amanda see right past your braces and eczema and fall madly in love with you?

Since then, we’ve gradually evolved into the mix CD, followed by the hilariously short-lived minidisc era, and finally landed on the MP3 playlist, a process so quick and easy that it takes all of five seconds to create “Songs to Drop Amanda’s Pants.” But no matter how much technology improves over time, there’s only so much it can do to provide the perfect music for those not-so-perfect occasions.

Sure, it’s easy to figure out what to play for the big things, like sex (NIN’s “Closer”), break-ups (“I Will Survive”—whether Gaynor or Cake is obviously a personal decision), and long car rides (“500 Miles” by the Proclaimers, played on heavy repeat). But what about those non-milestone moments? What to play during those most awkward of awkward silences?

To that end, we present: The Soundtrack of Your Life, a playlist designed to help you get through those times when a simple mash-up of Tom Jones and Metallica just won’t suffice.

When You Need to Tell Your Coworker That You Accidentally Grabbed His Wife’s Boob at the Company Holiday Party:

When You’re About to Accidentally-On Purpose Walk in on Your Roommate Having Sex:

When the Cops are Closing in and You Know it’s Finally Time to Let Your Prisoner Out of the Basement:

When Your Homophobic Coworker Ambles Over to Discuss Prop 8. Again.: (Video NSFW)

When You Have to Inform Your Partner That You’re Giving Him or Her a Venereal Disease:

When You’re Shopping at Babeland:

When You Need to Tell Your Girlfriend You’re Actually Gay:

When You Need to Tell Your Boyfriend You’re Actually Gay:

Remember: just because Hallmark doesn’t make a card for it doesn’t mean you won’t get through it.

DahlELama and The_Obvious are BFFs who spend a lot of time yelling at the TV, thinking that they’re hilarious, and marveling over the fact that they both eat Peanut Butter and Jelly sandwiches for lunch every day. This is their first collaboration.  They promise the next one will be funnier.