Dear Barbie Q: How to deal with trolls

Dear Barbie Q:
I just saw a comment on Gawker CT, wherein I got name-checked by someone I’ve largely considered to be an obnoxious troll. (She was addressing the CT community at large.) I have to admit that what she said made sense to me. There is a fine line between enjoyment and addiction, and maybe CT was more of the latter for many of us.

After you read the following quote from Total Package (!!), I would appreciate it if you would share your own thoughts/insights regarding the fine line between enjoyment and addiction. (Does not need to be specifically related to the internet; any life experiences you’d like to share are most welcome.
“You people are all acting like a bunch of low rent, trailer trash tranny hookers who just got their dimebag of black tar heroin taken away from them by their pimp for not turning enough tricks. LISTEN TO YOURSELVES!!! You can’t tell your anus from your mouth cause you are spouting shit out of both of them all day long!!! You are totally addicted to this site!!! (And I dont mean just you Salome Valentine…we all know how many times you’ve tried to pull yourself away.) Why not use this screwup as a final attempt to break free from your addiction. Otherwise if you are willing to stick with Gawker even after this mess you are slaves for life.”
What do you think?
-Salome Valentine

Dear Salome Valentine:
Here’s the problem: You are calling this person a troll, but she is actually a divine sage inspired by the Egyptian Goddess of Truth and Justice, Ma’at. The Goddess is guided by 42 divine principles (http://www.kenseamedia.com/egyptian_gods/maat.htm), including
• I have not spoken scornfully against others
• I have not used fiery words nor stirred up any strife
• I have not been unduly proud nor acted with arrogance.
• I have not been angry without good reason.
If you carefully read the message, you can see the signs of divine inspiration. They include multiple punctuation marks within a single sentence, capitalization for the purpose of divine guidance, vehemence in inverse proportion to provocation, and ire concerning matters that are utterly extraneous to the message’s composer’s interests.
The appropriate way to handle this is to contact the sage and ask for divine guidance. Clearly, the sage is spending her time on worthy and just causes. Where would we be if she was not targeting commenters and attacking them so that they will be worried into to happiness and harmony?
Don’t be embarrassed, you’ve made a common error. If you feel the need to apologize to the goddess, an animal sacrifice may be in order. I suggest a jackal. Or possibly, a hamster.