relationships

43 posts

Tell Me Sweet Little Lies

 

When I casually spoke the short sentence, it felt true to me. But even though it was “merely” a lie of omission, I still sensed that I was walking on a very fine tightrope.  Before this, I’d always felt certain of my unassailable honesty.

 

“He slept in that bed”, I replied, pointing to the twin futon in my large studio apartment. My response was to my current lover’s query as to where my overnight guest had lain his head the previous evening and night.

 

While it was wholly true that he had slept in that bed, almost immediately prior to that, he and I had had sex on this bed: mine. The fact that he was my most-enduring friend, my first lover, and someone whom I’d only slept with a dozen times over seven years didn’t matter at all to my current beau. Nor did it matter to him that his obvious judgment of me was steeped in unconscious hypocrisy: after all, he was sleeping with someone else as well. Yet somehow to him, I became the betrayer.

 

Sex with my ex had been a clear display of my own immaturity and insecurity. The sex had also been far less mind-blowing than that which I already shared with my current lover. But earlier the previous evening, when I had called my beau, his other lover answered the phone. So I took that as a sign that my twice-yearly reunion with my ex should definitely take a sexual turn. Spite-fucking is rarely pleasurable, but sometimes it feels more satisfying than doing nothing at all.

 

At last, I felt the scales had been balanced, and all was right in my universe. I disagree with the adage ” revenge is a dish best served cold.” I think that sometimes, justice is a dish best served erotically sweltering. I knew that my beau loved me, as I loved him, but until that point, my entreaties for him to be monogamous with me had fallen on deaf ears. Unsurprisingly, not long after my conjugal visit with my ex, my current lover told his girlfriend about me, and they separated soon after. My actions weren’t deliberately devious, but they clearly served a purpose in the grand scheme.

 

“Tell me lies, tell me sweet little lies…” – Fleetwood Mac

Little Lies

 

They’re all gonna laugh at me

Earlier this week, I wrote about my somewhat random decision to reactivate one of my dating profiles.

Am I currently one of the featured profiles on the site? Yes.

Am I receiving so many responses that I haven’t had time to reply to them all? No.

Have the messages/flirts I’ve sent been responded to with hot n’ heavy promises of a good time? No.

Thus, my results are pretty much mirroring the experiences I’ve encountered previously. That made me sad, but then thanks to the fabulous Miss Anita Manbadly, I shrugged off the negative feelings and decided to have fun.

What came out of that? Why, this funtastic video that I’ve added to my profile!

Who is Planteater?!? from Random Citizen on Vimeo.

Also, I now laugh at profiles. Not in a bitter way, but more in a “Wow, you really think you’re better than me?” sort of way. Here I am contacting you to chat you up, but I’m not good enough? Fool, you’re on a dating site!

My favorites are the ones by older guys who are on a site where most of the females are a good decade or two younger. Oh yeah, Daddy, you go ahead and ignore someone who’s actually interested in older men for those 20-somethings who don’t want to deal with your saggy balls.

So, I may not have boys beating down my door anytime soon, I’m choosing to see this as another learning experience instead of feeling completely sorry for myself.

I’ll still scowl at those fucking lucky trolls in love, though.

Chasing the Unicorn

Earlier this week, I reactivated one of my dating profiles after several months of being off the dating grid. In the hopes of having a fresh start, I created a new username, uploaded new photos, wrote some new “witty” copy, and put together a quick video with additional information on yours truly.

So far, I’ve not received any flirts/winks/happy-smiley-faces. I’ve sent a couple of flirts to a few guys, but didn’t hear back. After seeing some cuties on the site, I sent brief e-mails asking the guys about something mentioned in their profile. No response.

In the back of my mind, I know this is a test of my patience, yet it kills me. Having my e-mail open in a tab for most of the day, I admit I get a little excited at the hopes that when I click over, it will be an e-mail from someone on the site. I figure I have another week before that optimism wears off.

Recently, one of my gay friends went through my roster of talents and asked why I wasn’t married. I simply shrugged my shoulders. It’s not as if I haven’t asked myself that internally. And I don’t even necessarily want to get married.

This is why I can't have nice thingsI’ll readily admit that I’m not hot, nor am I everyone’s cup of tea. Still, I can’t help but get angry when I see two trolls in love while I’m commuting to/from work. Fucking lucky trolls in love.

But I digress…

Anyone else out there playing around in the dating puddle? What tips can you offer in maintaining one’s sanity?